What have i done?

My heart breaks knowing that...

Bud organisation is doing better than church
in reaching out to people especially youth
their camp and fair are doing so fine, so good

i am looking up at them for benchmarking:

What happen to "I gave you authority over the earth and keys of the heavens" ?

Are we losing the authority given by God?

What is going to happen to the land of Kuantan?

i feel that i am failing God's promises.....

i feel helpless
i am certain that brothers and sisters will say "pray"

just pray

i prayed; perhaps not enough

but i did prayed

i am just not motivated
perhaps afraid of...

taking the first step
falling after a few steps
starting over
making mistakes
lonely and hard journey

i am scared of commitment

when i embark on a journey,
there is not turning back for me

i cannot back up on something that i have promised God

The further they involve in Bud ism
the harder it would be for me to pull them back

i am not... doing enough

- consistently

- persistently

- perseverantly

What have i done?
Tell me what should i do....after praying to God

Wait upon the Lord, seek His face and be filled by Holy Spirit...

What's now?

God, i do not understand...

i do not know how..............