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married to a mission

"An opportunity has been presented to me

of spending days with lost souls,

people yet to know about Jesus Christ.

Convinced that this is a calling from God

to spend my life as it is.

I am willing to go through all dangers and hardships

knowing that I give myself to the greatest work of all."

This is a entry of Ann Hasseltine's diary in response to the proposal of Adoniram Judson, an American missionary to Burma.

It was love at first sight.

After Adoniram Judson met Ann at her father's house in Bradford,
he proposed marriage to her by letter.
But Ann was unable to answer him immediately—
not only because she barely knew him,
but because she realized she would be marrying not


.............. only a man,


............. but a vocation.
_______________________________________________

This is an article not simply that i stumbled upon

but a reminder and a divination hint to me.......

that marriage would not simply be the joining between a man and a woman

but an exposition of two personalities come together as one entity,

to build a ministry

to fulfil the Great Commision

where one can do just that much

two can do much more than that

_____________________________________________________

i believe there will be another height in my life

where i would no longer be alone

but has found my.....vocation

i could not sleep or wink for nights

meals do not please me

it was torturing

i have been praying and comforting myself

last night, i reached my finale

and feared that i may faint and falter

if i do not sleep any longer

then i prayed, "if it is your will,

i shall pray for my life partner....

i accept your provision and the chosen one.

Amen."

And i had a sound sleep that i was so deprived off.

Waking up this morning,

i was humbled by God's guidance and leading

that i finally believed that God

really does prepare a chosen one for us.

And we have to submit.

It is the way God tells us that, "He is the one for you."

I believed.....finally.

click here....to link to the full version of biography.

sweet

i wonder why my heart feels so sweet
out of a sudden
everything is not what it is supposed to be
but feels right
feels good
at peace
pure joy

i am not bored
but calmer and more patient than before
there is no turbulence in my heart
but calm waters

i love my new mentality
the solitude provides a clear mind
to connect and observe very little things
appreciate

Sometimes By: Britney Spears

You tell me you're in love with me

Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me

It's not that I don't want to stay

But every time you come too close I move away

I wanna believe in everything that you say'

Cause it sounds so good

But if you really want me, move slow

There's things about me you just have to know

Sometimes I run

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I'm scared of you

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is time

I don't wanna be so shy

Every time that I'm alone

I wonder why

Hope that you will wait for me

You'll see that you're the only one for me

I wanna believe in everything that you say'

Cause it sounds so good

But if you really want me, move slow

There's things about me you just have to know

Sometimes I run

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I'm scared of you

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is time

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is time

Just hang around and you'll see

There's nowhere I'd rather be

If you love me, trust in me

The way that I trust in you

Sometimes I run

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I'm scared of you

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Sometimes I run

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I'm scared of you

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is time

My quote:

It is easy to see someone's past hurts

there are symptoms and signals you receive and observe

run, hide, scared, closer and suddenly closed up, hot and cold, strange reactions,....

the list goes on...

who is not hurt in a way or two in this world?

relationships are promising and give way for the risk of getting....hurt

we could get nowhere by just avoiding....

......we need to face it face to face and say,

" I have overcomed it, nothing can bind or bound me for Jesus has set me free."

Angie,

God freed you.

Now you have to let go of the past and embrace beautiful future....

it is all right to let people see the true and truth of you

Why am i deceiving myself and others?

Lies upon lies to bury lies

"I am afraid no one will like the real Angie and hurt her,

afraid people will not accept everything of her,

i need to protect Angie (myself)."

When a man loves a woman

What is most beautiful about a woman?

- looks

- character

- poise and confidence

- capability

- attitude

- her love for you

- her love to God

i asked my shepherd before;
how do you know he is the one for you?
She says:

(1) He will refer to his leader appropriately

(2) You are willing to submit under him

(3) Above all, he will be the one who initiates and take lead

The most beautiful woman in my opinion is

one who supports and serve the people around her.

When a man loves a woman, not only he will be able to embrace one's strength but also the weakness that comes with it, love should be enduring and do not ask for return:

Unconditional love is the greatest love of all time..ever

What have i done?

My heart breaks knowing that...

Bud organisation is doing better than church
in reaching out to people especially youth
their camp and fair are doing so fine, so good

i am looking up at them for benchmarking:

What happen to "I gave you authority over the earth and keys of the heavens" ?

Are we losing the authority given by God?

What is going to happen to the land of Kuantan?

i feel that i am failing God's promises.....

i feel helpless
i am certain that brothers and sisters will say "pray"

just pray

i prayed; perhaps not enough

but i did prayed

i am just not motivated
perhaps afraid of...

taking the first step
falling after a few steps
starting over
making mistakes
lonely and hard journey

i am scared of commitment

when i embark on a journey,
there is not turning back for me

i cannot back up on something that i have promised God

The further they involve in Bud ism
the harder it would be for me to pull them back

i am not... doing enough

- consistently

- persistently

- perseverantly

What have i done?
Tell me what should i do....after praying to God

Wait upon the Lord, seek His face and be filled by Holy Spirit...

What's now?

God, i do not understand...

i do not know how..............

Reflection

Why are you staring at me?
Why didn't you speak when i need you the most?
Why didn't you reply my doubts?

I always wonder if the one i am seeing is the same as others see
I think i remember those eyes
I think i remember those lips
features that i dislike and like

I love to see your expression
to think what you are thinking
to predict what you would be saying before you even speak
I always thought that i know you very well
But, no, i don't

Who would understand you?
Your emotions cover your expression
Your expression covers your true feelings
I wish i could peel you, layer by layer to see what is underneath that face
What is in the inside will reflect on the outside
What is on the outside may not reflect what is in the inside

Who are you?
Who am i?
Who am i pretending to be?
Why am i pretending?
I don't even know how to respond to myself.

I hate facing you (myself)

numb

it is not something i would use to describe myself..

at most, i would say i ...

pretend

temperament arises

eruption

wow...i am a volcano

i guess

different people have

different way of responding

i would use external method

some used internal method

where they suck it in

perhaps...

they are more
considerate of others and the consequences

careful not to step on the wrong shoes or toes

actually,

it is hard for me

to comprehend

why people would push

something as great as FEELING

away and down under

Emotions...

are very important for me

even when sometimes

it could be overbearing

overstated
heated
too passionate

at least

we pour it out

and get it over

my heart goes out

for the people,

that feel numb
or should i say feel nothing

it makes us

insensitive
unhappy

cannot perceive joy

but could feel peace

they would want to laugh

but hold them back

they would like to cry

and hold them back too

i felt so sad

because laughing and crying freely

is life for me...

i think;

it is a reaction of avoiding-

to be hurt again

to be misunderstood,

felt vulnerable once in their time,

usually after a conflict or clash

in short, something really bad happenned

what could i do for them?

use my passion to melt their ice palace?

but i do not think it works,

because emotions

became a barrier,

once they feel the emotion

seeping into their heart
they close it back again

should i just give them the peace that they so preciously hold on to ?

should i just appreciate the way they are?

they are more rooted, stable and calm...than me, by the way

i still think EMOTION is important for me to:

worship God

love people

understand gospel

to be creative

to communicate

my passion is firing up....whoosh.

sometimes

sometimes,

i run

sometimes,

i hide...

sometimes,

i am scared of you.everytime,

i run into you

everytime,

you seek me

everytime,

you show me that you care....

CLOSE,closer,closed

i keep you close

but not too close

keeping you in a distance

a safe distance

i know this is the way

to have you forever in my life

always there

with no strings attachedi am such a contradict

i enjoyed the feeling

the presence

the temperature under control

i could not

let myself

to be hurt

or hurt others

i may not be able to forgive myself

i need human touch

but one is too little for me

i need to open up my heartto occupy everyone

no time for the special one

the closer it is, the more i closed up to myself

what is going on?

actually....

nothing is going on...

should i be closer or closed?

I CLOSE:

Could not

LOSE

you

there is a cemetery in my heart

memories are buried there

i keep on digging graves

and placing a tombstone on each

as a reminder

How...

i dread the day of the UNREST resurfaced....

alone but not lonely

have you felt alone before....

i was sitting on a bench in my high school
facing the back of the statue of Mary, Jesus's mother
it was the first time i pondered upon that...

when was the time you felt lonely the most?


me....
in the midst of people
and yet do not feel belong
not a part of the crowd


i was always the girl sitting
on the side
observing
standing at the side


everything was like a motion picture
i was just a moviegoer
sitting before the big, wide screen
eating popcorn
nothing concerns me



my life
is all about myself

not that i had not many friends
but i have distachment disorder
i can only wonder....

then ....

i was now working freelance
self-employed
not restricted


i found myself
self-belonging

i discovered.....

i need space alone
to be involved

to function

strange to be conceived

but it makes me feel comfortable

there is time to be together,

time to be alone.
for..

reflection and thinking
it gives me comfort
adjustment time

i would rethink, rebound and
repent in those alone times

miraculously,
the loneliness is gone
aloneship cures my loneliness

Are you such a person like me?
alone but not lonely........

i hope i am not alone on this..... lonely planet!