Goodbye, my friend

Friends are forever

To have you forever by my side

would be to be your dearest friend

and companion

"i am here when you need me"

is suffice to say

Anything more or less

is a torture

of losing you.....

Unable to love you

is to say

"i am unable to lose you."

Is it fate or heart-shattering destiny..

that we have to cross this boundary ?

Would it be goodbye, my friend?

Hello...my dear..... (i am so confused)

_______________________________________________________________

8I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others.

2 Corinthians 8: 8

married to a mission

"An opportunity has been presented to me

of spending days with lost souls,

people yet to know about Jesus Christ.

Convinced that this is a calling from God

to spend my life as it is.

I am willing to go through all dangers and hardships

knowing that I give myself to the greatest work of all."

This is a entry of Ann Hasseltine's diary in response to the proposal of Adoniram Judson, an American missionary to Burma.

It was love at first sight.

After Adoniram Judson met Ann at her father's house in Bradford,
he proposed marriage to her by letter.
But Ann was unable to answer him immediately—
not only because she barely knew him,
but because she realized she would be marrying not


.............. only a man,


............. but a vocation.
_______________________________________________

This is an article not simply that i stumbled upon

but a reminder and a divination hint to me.......

that marriage would not simply be the joining between a man and a woman

but an exposition of two personalities come together as one entity,

to build a ministry

to fulfil the Great Commision

where one can do just that much

two can do much more than that

_____________________________________________________

i believe there will be another height in my life

where i would no longer be alone

but has found my.....vocation

i could not sleep or wink for nights

meals do not please me

it was torturing

i have been praying and comforting myself

last night, i reached my finale

and feared that i may faint and falter

if i do not sleep any longer

then i prayed, "if it is your will,

i shall pray for my life partner....

i accept your provision and the chosen one.

Amen."

And i had a sound sleep that i was so deprived off.

Waking up this morning,

i was humbled by God's guidance and leading

that i finally believed that God

really does prepare a chosen one for us.

And we have to submit.

It is the way God tells us that, "He is the one for you."

I believed.....finally.

click here....to link to the full version of biography.

sweet mission (2)

On the Saturday (a day before the Sunday: the long awaited day)

it was supposed to be a shepherding time with my sheep

i always felt that i did not meet up with

her expectations nor

God's works in her through me

i would not consider it a failure but a struggle

i have certain persistence in my actions and speech

and my way to convey a message

i used all four languages of love out of the total 5:

Acts of Service, Gift, Time and Physical Touch. (on regular basis)

I despised "Words" in a way, i had a perception that

people with "all talk has no substance and practicality."

i have been holding back so long and so hard on

giving the Words of God and saying in biblical terms.

i just can't make myself into a

teacher of the law and words even that

my profession is teaching.

How absurd!

Well, profession and spiritual gifting are 2 things.....

_______________________________________________________

My sheep walked all the way to my house

to help out in the trifle making,

then we walked all the way to buy the ingredients.

i was seeing so much of her great personality and good characters.

this "trifle" incident was a close-up encounter with my dear sheep.

along the way, through our conversation

something twinkle in me

"character and attitude."

after that, we started our shepherding based on the title

well, it served the purpose.

it opened a new door in our relationship.

the "trifle" was a gift for us:

shepherd (me) and sheep (RS)

____________________________________

11I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—

12that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

Romans 1: 11-12

Hidden in Christ

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou

this phrase touches and inspires me.

it opens my whole new world of the concept

"love."

it explains the nature of human desire to seek love and be loved

and it speaks of the biblical relationship that unites a man and a woman which is through Jesus Christ

a woman always seek a shelter

and a man should always seek God

so when woman finds her shelter

they shall remain in God's love.

click here for the full version of the article

i deserved to be happy too

My dear,

i tread the ground you walk on

i

take in the air you breathe in

i was cautious of the looking eyes

i have to be careful not to leave traces

sometimes, i even have to leave misleading evidence

for these paparazzi to devour

to have a little peace of my own.

________________________________

so many considerations

that they are taking a toll on me

why do i have suffer all these pressure?

_________________________________

i relish on the freedom and joy i used to have

i want to revive the pleasure of non-attachment

"me for the world, the world for me."

i want to embrace the earth.

________________________________

God, give me wisdom

and lead me not into regrets

of my later life.

Give me the courage to trust and love.

__________________________________

Dear companions,

Don't peer at me (i can feel your eyes crawling on me)

Don't doubt me

i am innocent

i am just a consequence of situation

Do not bind what God has set free

"Noooooo................................."

_______________________________

Dear me,

i am not a victim nor a sufferer

i am an overcomer and victor

i deserve to be fulfilled and loved too.

_________________________________________________________

For i am convinced that neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers

neither height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God

that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

I believe so, do you?

cherish

each class is like a relationship
God bring them to me
so i must cherish and treasure every moments together
knowing that it will not be forever

knowing that we will be separated
by time range, you have to leave to seize better opportunities, we grow up
by opportunities, you may have found a better one, place or time slot
by suitability, communication is 2 ways, we have to comprehend and convey our thoughts
external reasons, you want to keep to your gang

when i lost a student or a class
it felt like losing a relationship
at first, it hurts
then i understand.........

that no one is at fault
there is no reason to blame or accuse
leave and leave at a good resort
there is always a room for us.....in the future

does it mean i have to handle many relationships?
of course, no...

i describe this way...
as a romantic approach
to keep things sleek
i understand something more when i experience some other thing

things are parallel when u lay them side by side
one spark can trigger understanding of many

like bible verses
adaptable in so many situations
can be used so widely, eternally, yet means the same thing

Blessed be the name the Lord!!

Engaging in a class is like engaging in a relationship..
be funny, approachable, flexible, stunning in a way, always understand and seek to understand others

thus, i do not believe in one in a million or God has prepare ONE for you
bible did not say that
just some naive Christian believes in that crap
Then, it is personal opinion
not factual, biblical fact

we fall in and out of love
it is natural and okay

then we will not be so hurt and betrayed
we can let things go

hey.....i believe in faithfulness and Holy Matrimony
Because bible mentions that

it would silly waiting for that special someone
perhaps we have to gone through the haystack to find the golden pin
a worthy love is worth the effort, determination and time
there are many worthy gems out there
reach out to the sky....

now you see it, now you don't

Is relationship and friendship
really that fragile and vulnerable?

now you see it, now you don't

well, as painful and as truthful

It is.

my ex flaunted his new girlfriend in front of me
and showcased such a delicate care
mushy, mushy and touchy, touchy
did not even bother to say "hi"

when i saw his conduct,
i asked myself
how blind could i be those years we spent together?
well, i am not at a bit jealous
but, yeah, a little embarassed by his immaturity
the surrounding environment is all my friends from uni years

do you have to go to such extreme?
i do not know if he has any ill intention
but i analyse things, like i always do
rationally and logically:

(1) he wants to show that he is capable of loving and having a relationship
(2) to tell the public that we are totally over (of course it is, was history)
(3) to hurt me, embarass me
(4) he is hurting inside from low self-esteem and insecurity (hurt people hurt people)
(5) barricades my relationship with those friends (it is whether his friend or my friend, CHILDISH)

i was so disappointed because by far he was my best friend and we shared the same dreams once
at least, we could be friends.
well, i thought we could.
but now, no, that is impossible
not because i am unforgiving
but he cannot forgives himself and me (of course)

man, grow up!

some men are just like kids trapped inside an adult body
has the intellect and talent but little emotional intelligence
has a good outlook but a deteriorating soul
has a career but no self improvement

i am not angry as i pointed those out
but i am seeing just too many of such examples before me

even my own father was such.................

i just can't

are you single and available
or attached, in an relationship?

from further observation and communication
i found a third category of people

inability to be in a relationship

could not be involved in physical intimacy

never thought of being married or having children

not promiscious or fooling around

restrain or abstain from sexual misconducts

totally straight and normal

i have seen an article of thus in a newspaper
there are couples coming together
leaving in the comfort of the same house
without sexual intercourse
they are just enjoying the companionship and the trust
weird as it is....
but it is true.....
in foreign countries, there are people who embrace such culture
but in Asian countries, people of thus prefer to remain single, a loner ranger with usually active lifestyle (going places and enjoying life)

i have such acquantainces
i have been wondering for a long time now....

they are attractive and beautiful
accomplishing or not much under-achiever than the people near them

usually talented and artistic
never discuss of their relationships or sexual needs
may have crushes in the earlier years but failed in the process
i even wonder are they gay, impotent, pervert or .....?

i am sorry that i say that

hmmm......i love these people so much
that i hope that they could experience love too

scooping in, it is fear that resides inside them:

(1) lost a loved one before (a father, a mother or....)
(2) been rejected (emotional souls they are..)
(3) seeing too many ( breakups, divorce, children abandonment, single parents, mankind suffering, orphans, mutated children, mentally depressed or nervous breakdown )

it seems that they carry the load of this world on their own back
the pain of it surpasses the joy of being with someone that they love

if you live happily, i am happy for you

you will always be in my heart

love is not possessing

when you need me, i will always be there for you

do these concepts really make sense to you?

for me:

if i love you, i want to be with you (short and simple)

commitment

What does the word "commitment" trigger you?

(1) long term, permanent, no way out, pressure, no turning back (THINK TWICE)

(2) afraid of commitment does not mean

cannot commit or

will not commit;

perhaps need longer consideration,

is a serious person when it comes to responsibility,

a deep thinker + logical person + think of pros and cons

(3) marriage; not many believe in marriage,

many rather be lovers or co-habit,

do not want to have kids,

some even change partners in a snap,

could not have long-term of relationship

(could not keep on when conflicts arise or when the other half wants further progress)

(4) commitment = faithful = responsible
faithful = race to the end / faithful even in small things to slowly build commitment
responsible = accountable / will take things in hands / do with all heart and mind

How inter-related are these?

(5) is there a short-term commitment?

is it a way-out / drop-out for a less commited person?

Finding "the 1"

This is a normal issue in our church or in any church concerned

Dating / relationship / yoking with unbelievers

Sometimes, it becomes a taboo

(do not mention in public!!)

"Do not gossip!"

"Are you sure? Didn't you know?"

We have to admit, there is no one who has not that issue in mind

Reasons given for not yoking with unbelievers:

(1) will abandon faith and God

(2) may be prosecuted

(3) may have to bow to idols

(4) become compromising on conducts and values

(5) Bible says so

I could agree nothing less.

What do we have in common with non-believers?

Thinking that we will be apart after death tore my heart apart.

Could not give my heart out if he is an unbeliever.

Some of my friends' other half is non, but became a believer some time after

(gambling with love and life, totally disagree)

Although being a Christian has many levels,

may also backslide afterwards,

may be a hypocrite,

however, at least we start on the right foot and

under the surveillance of the church

Safer!

Reasons given for not dating without marriage in mind:

(1) unfair to the other party

(2) if not for the sake of marriage, may be for the sake of physical intimacy

(3) need to handle insecurity issues before hand

(4) then why you find partner if not for life?

Youngsters usually fall into this category

They like excitement and experimenting

As you grow older, we grow in maturity and responsibility

As we grow older, marriage will become the driving force

Reasons not to date the other half from other churches:

(1) do not share the same vision

(2) we do not really know if we serve well together

(3) we are committed to local church (H Ktn)

(4) may be pulled away to serve in another church (we are in deficient)

So, if all these criterias could be nulled, then "the one" could be considered, right?

When a man loves a woman

What is most beautiful about a woman?

- looks

- character

- poise and confidence

- capability

- attitude

- her love for you

- her love to God

i asked my shepherd before;
how do you know he is the one for you?
She says:

(1) He will refer to his leader appropriately

(2) You are willing to submit under him

(3) Above all, he will be the one who initiates and take lead

The most beautiful woman in my opinion is

one who supports and serve the people around her.

When a man loves a woman, not only he will be able to embrace one's strength but also the weakness that comes with it, love should be enduring and do not ask for return:

Unconditional love is the greatest love of all time..ever

my love is short

My love is my short hair

i was posed a question:
What are the most appealing and attractive of you?
i really think it through and observe:
i would say short hair, eyeliner and a heavy slap of mascara

i was posed a thought:
We are always attracted to the same type of people and attract the same type too. Do you agree?
i do not have to think twice.
It is real. Of course it is.

My type: love God, leader type, nice, kind, always smiling, humorous, sweet-natured and when i dig deeper, they are not that holy as they looked

I was their type : looking for someone that can serve God with them. I could be a good partner with whom i am assigned with. Later i found out, they never consider me as their top priority. i felt used and not important.
mostly, they are dollar-concious, not attentive,
however kind-hearted and helpful
at the end, i became a co-worker rather than a life partner

frustration.....

God, let me know that your love is greater than life itself....Amen.

Psalm 63
A psalm of David.
When he was in the Desert of Judah as i am in a desert of no love.

1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

friendship FOREVER

Questions we need to answer to ensure we have an everlasting friendship.

(1) What are the qualities of a friend?
(2) Are you a good friend?
(3) Do you have a best friend?
(4) Have you ever been betrayed?
(5) Will you lie to your friend?
(6) What is the most touching moment you have with a friend?
(7) Do you believe in platonic relationship? Boy and girl without attachment.
(8) Do you believe in friendship forever?
(9) Do you have a long-lasting friendship you want to share about?
(10) Will you still keep the friendship if you feel hurt or disappointed?
(11) Imagine your best friend is before you, what will you say to her or him?
(12) How far will you go to help a friend?

if you need a friend, be one.
Quote by Angie (haha)

Me and you

i find the way;

into your heart

into your mind

into the inner circle

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

i am your close friend

but never could be your best friend

i am satisfied

to keep you at an arm's length
i do not want to complicate our relationship

i would like to love everyone

equally, just as much

be fair and square

no favouritism

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

i am satisfied with this intimacy

perhaps you felt that i kept a distance

perhaps you are right

it is a perfect distance

i have to make sure

i could give everyone

everything that i gave you

if i need to answer why

i would say;

life experience

i saw the damage done

when there is;

injustice

authoritarian complex

siblings jeolousy

favor fighting

i tried to apply damage control;

i wonder if it will hurt my relationship with you....

if you treasure me, please understand.

( Dedicated to all my acquaintances.)

CLOSE,closer,closed

i keep you close

but not too close

keeping you in a distance

a safe distance

i know this is the way

to have you forever in my life

always there

with no strings attachedi am such a contradict

i enjoyed the feeling

the presence

the temperature under control

i could not

let myself

to be hurt

or hurt others

i may not be able to forgive myself

i need human touch

but one is too little for me

i need to open up my heartto occupy everyone

no time for the special one

the closer it is, the more i closed up to myself

what is going on?

actually....

nothing is going on...

should i be closer or closed?

I CLOSE:

Could not

LOSE

you

there is a cemetery in my heart

memories are buried there

i keep on digging graves

and placing a tombstone on each

as a reminder

How...

i dread the day of the UNREST resurfaced....