Testimony

Hi. My name is Angie. I am a tuition teacher. my housemate is Tang Siew Ling. Our house is an informal ministry house. If anyone wants to come over and stay, you are always welcomed. (Just to promote!) Again, i am here to testify about the good works of God in my life. This is a golden opportunity that comes every quarter. And i treasure the day it comes as a chance to conclude my walk with God every quarter.

How is my personal life with God? Well, i had the morning until early evening to spend my quite time and devotion with God. i need a long time to reflect and think to function normally in the public. And i would say my God is a personal God to me and He always talk to me in many ways. Through my blog, i could really pour out to Him and learn how to be grateful. When i write, i think and i really do improve a lot in my verbal communication and information articulation.

My life was a roller-coaster ride. up and down. plain sailing and sometimes scary. my emotional uprising is like tsunami, destructive to myself and people around me. And i tried to improve and surrender to God. I observed myself this quarter and see myself stabilised and under control a lot. Example: depression, argumentative, complaining, negative talking, frustration and disappointment, really resides a lot. Sometimes, i can feel that certain scenarios may evoke my anger, repulsion, injustice feeling and blaming someone. Spirit of God soothes and calms me. And i learn to be a calmer and happier person. Do not complain but encourage. Do not play the blaming game but always think of unity and Body of Christ. if you observe, i smile much more than last quarter. What is in the outside will show on the outside.

I am only a human. i do feel that i am lacking and no one understands me (quite a lot). I am lonely, and i learn to be there for people that need me. i crave for love and i learn to care and comfort others. when i feel that i am poor, i give to others. i am a friend to my friend because i needed a friend in the first place. The word of God, ' give and you shall receive' is an integral part of my philospohy of life. Giving in spite of nothingness tells me that i was never lacking but provided by my Lord in Heaven. He gives me so much that i am able to give. He is My Provider and He gives freely to everyone that calls on Him. My God is a faithful God.

my life is a rough journey. i used to envy and despise the lives of the lucky and fortunate ones. Feeling that God was unfair to me and life was after all unfair. Gradually i understood that my Father has a great plan for me. The life that God bestows to me carve me to be compassionate for others, understand the many levels and turbulence of emotions, be observant, grow in patience and learn to serve others. i am still a long way from perfection, but i know i am on the right path because along this way, God walks with me.

And to every brother and sister here, i will always be a supportive figure to all. i may not be able to do much. i am nothing so that i could be everything to everyone. it is a blessing to be able to serve God and you (all). Let us encourage each other and grow together in the love of God. Let us not only love in speech, but in life and actions.


Love, Angie.

Goodbye, my friend

Friends are forever

To have you forever by my side

would be to be your dearest friend

and companion

"i am here when you need me"

is suffice to say

Anything more or less

is a torture

of losing you.....

Unable to love you

is to say

"i am unable to lose you."

Is it fate or heart-shattering destiny..

that we have to cross this boundary ?

Would it be goodbye, my friend?

Hello...my dear..... (i am so confused)

_______________________________________________________________

8I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others.

2 Corinthians 8: 8

a click away....

i am a desperado

eagerness could push a human beyond its boundary:

out of its norm and regularity

attention seeker of some kind

__________________________________

i am divided between 2 worlds

the reality: physical

blogger realms: cyberspace

both the worlds clashed

and merged

where reality (blogger) enters cyberspace

cyberspace is the reality (inner thoughts)

_____________________________

i have joined 3 blogging community today

- mybloglog

- blogexplosion

-blogcatalog

to expand my blogging social community

a networking process

an unlimited containment

_______________________________

blogging is not a personal endeavour

but a sharing channel

as the cliche express:

we are only a click away

____________________________________________________

1 John 1 :7

7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.......

Hidden in Christ

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou

this phrase touches and inspires me.

it opens my whole new world of the concept

"love."

it explains the nature of human desire to seek love and be loved

and it speaks of the biblical relationship that unites a man and a woman which is through Jesus Christ

a woman always seek a shelter

and a man should always seek God

so when woman finds her shelter

they shall remain in God's love.

click here for the full version of the article

i just want to read....

i was approached by a duo,

a young teenage girl and her younger brother

they are promoting the fund raising program

for a charity they endorse

the first round,

i was on the phone with my sister

about her convocation plan,

the next round

i was enthusiastic reading Da Vinci Code

and she came to my table

i gently gestured that i was busy

but she reassured me that

there is something she needed me

to know about

out of exasperation,

i told her that i was her having my tea

and all i wanted was

a calm and peaceful day

to read my book

i was not looking at her expression

but through her voice

"then you take your time reading,"

i could sense the sarcasticism in her voice

something came to my mind:

i was very anxious when

i sensed such activities around me

rejecting them reminded me

of how i felt when

someone rejected to hear the gospel

at times,

we need to distrbute flyers

to promote church activities

sometimes,

we even have to go from house to house

it was an evangelism activity

but many vile organisations

are doing exactly

like house evangelism

these days

and they are

sobotaging the

real ones.....

society learns to reject and

find such methods

repulsive and fraud

we have to keep reinventing ourselves

to set apart from

the rest...

inspired.....

Do not boast about tomorrow....

_____________________________________

Tomorrow lies ahead, a precursor of what is today

no matter how little the change we made

a little decison shift

we did something that we should not have

we did not do something that we should

we do not seize

or cherish

and the history rewrites again.....

how fragile and uncertain it is

________________________________________

but if we are too logical and systematic

our life will become dull

and BORING...

___________________________________

no way to me

Life must be fun and enjoyable

"i must be happy" surpass every quality in life

no stress, no pain, that is...

________________________________________

Today is now, which each second diminishes to become a history

every night i will sit before my computer

as the clock struck 12 midnight

CELEBRATE.....

it is the next day

_______________________________________

AGAIN..

_________________________________________

time flies hauntingly

i find myself putting little concern of "today"

it is like

ignoring time

HOW GULLIBLE AND NAIVE of me....

__________________________________________

Yesterday?

does it deserve to be mentioned...

i do not remember what is in the past

i hurriedly passed

people and incidents around me

__________________________________

well, of course it is gladful

i am eager to know what is laid ahead

to know what is my future

____________________________________

i lost a lot

i lost my past....

but i do not like to dwell on past

i want to embrace future...

_____________________________________

i wonder why i dislike my past?

is it that bad?

i think it is my happy go lucky mentality

i don't carry my yesterday burden into today

i left my bag of stones behind...

bye....

you have character! (i like your attitude!)

what is the difference between character and attitude?

is there any difference?

if there is any, does it matter?

what would it impact?

character equals attitude

or character versus attitude

_____________________________________________________________

character is deep inside our soul and mind

shape and sharpen over time

based on principles and conscience

moulded by God

refreshed by Holy Spirit

attitude is what is reflected

and showed in the presence of people

attitude is presentation

what we want others to perceive.....

perhaps, not on purpose or not for the sake of others

but attitude is a response

of a question, criticism, praise

attitude is like a -------------- bridge------------ between

outer world and our inside mentality

it will influence how we take things, consider matters

and our emotional reaction

a good character does not mean that we will have good attitude

not that they are contradicting

but because we are sometimes boundaried

by certain values and priorities

and we cannot take things astride or calmly

a good attitude need to be in place

so that things can move smoothly and accordingly

without outburst or negative force

when we have good attitude, does it mean we have clean, sleek character?

of course not,

by having a good attitude

we will be more accepted by others

people judge by outer appearance, conduct and speech

it may shape us to be more cunning, condescending and ...

even if we are not serious about something

but by having a good attitude, we seem to looke serious about it.

at this stage,

i felt that i am being unfair to stress that attitude is a mask

a true good attitude should arises from good character

but can we see a good character?

but we can see a good attitude

attitude can be seen spontaneously

character can be seen after some time

if you want to see one's character, give him a position.

if you want to see one's attitude, provoke him with a sensitive issue

the chain effect

Have you ever thought about "How come this person is....thus and thus?"

and became more and seem to have shaped into that person' s character

or

You heard someone claims, "I really hate me, I despise him."

and

found out that he was just like the person he hates

He seems to have moulded into the one he hates.

or

You heard, " Hey, why did you.....thus and thus."

but

you found out or notice that this person is

not much better or even worse

and yet dare to raise up her voice

or

A person wants to change and help someone in distress

But before able to help, fall into the same pit

and face the same problems

Do these people really purposely or deliberately morph into these unwanted characters?

How does this change come about?

Where is the turning point?

Do they notice that?

or

Perhaps, am I over sensitive?

I refer to the bible to find out the cause and cure of it

ripple effect

A little action results in an impact

is it possible?

Do we have to stand at the arena of stars to make a difference?

I mean a ripple (a tiny drip of water speck) in the sense of:

a smile

a friendly look

laughter

a word of gratitude, "Thanks."

It is important to know that even a very mini menial tiny micro ripple

does change or impact,

to really live out the best and shine every second we are with a soul,

because we will never know when

a smile can change a day's outlook

a word of thanks keep the person going

a cheer motivates in the darkest moment

a look in the eye could assure and boost one's confidence

a nod of the head sends out approval

a tap on the shoulder close up a gap

a word of encouragement keeps on living in one's memory

The most loving language is those not spoken, but felt by others. Quote: Angie

serving attitude

I ask myself, " Why does disappointment occur during serving?"

I think to myself, " This is impossible."

A thought came to my mind, " Because we are serving ourselves not God."

This is an important issue to tackle becaue dissapointment is the first stumbling block of every endeavour, spiritual or not.

What do you expect when you give, contribute in church or evangelise?

For a harvest, addition in numbers and growth in every aspect?

Of course, it is nothing wrong having objectives and purposes behind doings.

The problem is rooted in the expectation....

Why do we expect something, and when it is granted, we are estatic and grateful because God heard our cries?

Why is it hard to grasp and feeling down when things do not come our ways as we have anticipated (high hopes and full of faith)?

Are we demanding instant result in this fast paced world?

I always asked myself how do we know someone's attitude?

It is very important to have the right attitude to go far and go right.

Through prayers...

Not just praying frequently and fervently.

But the words we chose...not that whether we quote from bible or very powerful words (only)

It is the words.

When we listen carefully, we will hear these terms being used. Let's analyze:

(1) Each time I prayed, God answered my prayers.

(2) I want to claim from God for blessings.

I agree that we must have faith...that we will see things come to pass.

Just be flexible because things may not turn out the way we prayed for.

Some seem like dead end (but it is just a bend)

Some are lessons to be learnt (the hard way)

Expect God (only God) not in: details or circumstances..

God not only gives the best, God do it in the best way

The Hard Way is the Best Way to learn

We are not easy sailer

We are warrior, overcomer and winner.

I ask myself:

Are your prayer selfish?

Are your prayer self-fulfilling?

Are your praying to God or yourself?

I need to get the correct serving attitude...

commitment

What does the word "commitment" trigger you?

(1) long term, permanent, no way out, pressure, no turning back (THINK TWICE)

(2) afraid of commitment does not mean

cannot commit or

will not commit;

perhaps need longer consideration,

is a serious person when it comes to responsibility,

a deep thinker + logical person + think of pros and cons

(3) marriage; not many believe in marriage,

many rather be lovers or co-habit,

do not want to have kids,

some even change partners in a snap,

could not have long-term of relationship

(could not keep on when conflicts arise or when the other half wants further progress)

(4) commitment = faithful = responsible
faithful = race to the end / faithful even in small things to slowly build commitment
responsible = accountable / will take things in hands / do with all heart and mind

How inter-related are these?

(5) is there a short-term commitment?

is it a way-out / drop-out for a less commited person?

mustard seed

There will be another supernatural healing rally in my community,
I am excited and awaiten with
anticipation of that days' coming,
prayers and reflections to
increase faith and compassionte heart,

The more i dwell,
the more doubts creep into my heart and mind (my soul)

God, take away all the disbelief in me,
Increase my faith
God is going to perform miracles in the land of Kuantan
Praise the Lord


We are going to gather a plentiful harvest
Let's gather all the workers to the field of salvation

However i lay my concerns at the feet of Jesus,

(1) Could we use publicity stunt like giving testimony, giving away cross necklaces as protection or taking their personal stuff to be prayed for? How far should we go?

(2) Shoud we give them such high hopes and leaving them hopeful for miracles and disease lifted? How much hope should we offer?

(3) Are we willing to keep in touch with these people who desired to be healed not only before that event but also after that, years to come? Are we really commited?

Am i the only one lacking in faith?



God, give me understanding of your awesome doings
I know that i may not understand
as your understanding is higher than the heavens

If i believe in salvation, i believe in miracles
My survival is a miracle
Why is it so hard to embrace healing miracle, Angie?

Yes, they are related and bridge us to Jesus Christ

May your will be done in Kuantan



May i be able to contribute and serve in this event

May all bro s and sis s join hands and hearts to serve

Amen.

a walk down 9th Avenue

i like to observe their expressions and look into their eyes

hoping to catch a glimpse on their thoughts and mood of the day

some will even gaze up and smile a greeting

What is the connection we have in common?

Other than the road we walk on

Where do our destinies crossed?

day in, day out

our path crossed

do i really care for you, my familiar stranger?

every stranger is a friend in making

i wish to touch your...

heart

soul

life

i wish to be a part of your...

destiny

fate

..............life.

i wish no more

i should do more

i should no more

i will do more

Not only more

But no stopping

it is not that "Would you accept me?"

it is "Would i make room for others...?

God, let not fear and self-love resides in my heart

but compassion for souls...

it is gone and done

Dear Angie,

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it.
Pursue the things over which Christ presides.

Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.
Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is.
See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life.

When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you.
Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy.

That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger.

It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better.

But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Love,
Colossians 3

Selena vs Job

this is an entry i dedicated to you,
my sister, Selena

as a response to your blogpost on
http://selenakong.blogspot.com/
on " be practical if you mean to help"

i agreed on your title.
always be practical/give solutions
(the ones that work and are proven/ biblical of course)

do not direct but pledge to walk through it together
never critised but always encourage with love and be truthfully
see the potential in people

i have always envied you
you are a lucky / blessed Christian
like some of my friends: get what they prayed for

easy -way Christians
hard -way Christians (Job is cetainly one of them)

it makes me wonder:

(1) Does it makes you less faithful if your prayers are not answered the way you intended to be?

(2) Does it means that easy going Christians are less greatly used because God has everything done for them?

(3) If you are unfortunate, does it means that you do not have a prayerful life?

(4) If you are lucky, does it means that you are not made whole?

(5) Should we say "May God bless you" or "May you be humbled in sorrow"?

(6) How would you describe your life:
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

or

Psalm 119: 71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

(7) Would you pray for hard times so that can gain in courage, experience and compassion?

God wills for all to go through life: pain or gain
to bring all creations to praise him and worship him
being able to see God's leading in everything in everyone is
my mission in life....

comPROMISE

Would i compromise?

that is a tough question for me to answer.
i would say i rather find a less resistant approach and
slowly working my way up and beyond

Before,
i am a straight-forward and stay true to my words
Now,
i am more savvy and stay true to my applications
i need to find a path which is relevant and approacable

Am i compromising?

I would not say so.
i think it is wiser to say something that people can find no offense in
and yet still rooted in my faith

Would i compromise if pressed?

At this stage, i would say, perhaps.
Actually, quite high possiblity.

In my mind,
opinions of others matters.
acceptance comcerns me.
standing in the open to be condemned ....
petrified me

this is the issue i have to settle before God before i could be greatly used.
This is the most lengthy blog i ever wrote because
i decided to stop being compromising in my values once and for all.

Pray for me that holy words stay on my lips and on my path,
carved in my heart and mind.
instilled deep into my soul.

power words my experience famous verses my needs

Psalm 119

11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
18 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.
20 My soul is consumed with longing of your laws at all times.
25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.
37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.
43 Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws.
48 I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees.
50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
54 Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge.
55 In the night I remember your name, O LORD, and I will keep your law.
58 I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.
62 At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.
68 You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.
71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.
81 My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word.
89 Your word, O LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.
94 Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts.
96 To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless.

104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.
113 I hate double-minded men, but I love your law.
114 You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
117 Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees.
120 My flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws.
125 I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes.
126 It is time for you to act, O LORD; your law is being broken.
128 and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path.
130 The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
135 Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.
136 Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.
145 I call with all my heart; answer me, O LORD, and I will obey your decrees.
147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.
164 Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws.
176 I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.

forgive and / or forget

forgive...
seventy seven times when someone crosses us

forget....
what is behind us

forgive or forget...
forgetting does not mean forgiving

forgive and forget
if we could really forgive, we are supposed to forget it
should never bring it up again in whatever circumstances

if it is so who could really forgive totally
forgiveness is not an one end solution
is an never ending approach

Bible says
who could not forgive, God will not forgive

when we are tempted to walk the line, forgive or not
we learn to seek God
and sees how He forgives and pardons
and gives freely to us

So we are willing to forgive
(God never forces on us, He grants us freewill)
we have to repeat this practice each and everytime

conflicts and disagreements
bridge our relationship to God

this is a way God leads us to Him

lost touch

i think i am shifting back to myself
THE REAL ME (feeling good!)
emotions fleeting (make me feel human)
i could just alter my expression and state of mind in a snap (adaptable creature)
react to situations and necessity (play a part)
at the same time, my mind just keep on processing (time concious)
i judge myself based on results (impacts i made)

to observe needs and gaps to be filled
to keep everyone occupied


i observe myself and find some capacities to be improved:

(1) ability to assimilate into different culture and environment
(2) still could not freely open myself wide open
(3) servantship is not fully utilized

However, i would like to applaud myself on:

(1) Helpfulness
(2) welcoming spirit
(3) desire to encouragement
(4) sensitivity to others' needs

Angie, keep it up.

Thank you Lord today for bringing us to the circle of people who are sidelined
i know that God has His Mighty Will on that place
God, guide us to know what it is,
so that your Will be done and your Grace be shown.

Amen.

end of the world

i am concerned of the spread of....
homosexuality
i see girl holding girl and kissing on the elevator
i see guy touching other guy on the streets
it disgusts me

however,
i kind of compassionate for them
is it a sexual preference?
or are they born that way naturally?
it is their sin or God's unique creation?
Bible says that human are consumed by their lust and has burning desire for their own sex
the verdict is .....

i am concerned of the spread of...
promiscuiosity
marriage is no longer a holy matrimony
people get married out of desperation and obligation
the girl is impregnated
or should abortion be an option?
when two immatured people get married
divorce is evident...
what happen to the innocent kids?
a lot of people came from single-parent family
or broken family
to build their own single-parent family
or lead a broken family
God, please heal us!

i am concerned of the spread of disease
bird flu
swine flu
AIDS
JE
AEDES
cancer of all sorts
the list goes on and on...
people are dying at faster rate and at larger scale
despite science and medical development
human are stabbing each other in a way or other
God, help us!

i am concerned of the spread of...
injustice
racial prejustice
discrimination
hatred
crimes
accidents.......

God, save our nations!!!!

cruel intention

may i know what is your intention



behind the things you do
the things you say
the actions you did
the things you ignore

i do not believe you
nor did i trust you
as a whole, i did not even like you

but i love you
i care about you
i support you
when you need me, i will be there for you

i tried to understand
the things you do
the things you say
the actions you did
the things you ignore

i know that i may never understand

because:

i did not go through what you did
i cannot do what you did
i would not say what you say

i believe that people are
kind-hearted
good natured
i still do

despite we are all sinners
because we are all made in the image of God
because we are filled with holy-spirit

you doubted me
so do i

no one is in the position to condemn
nor anyone has the right to be self-defined righteous

i learnt so much from you:

(1) united in diversity
(2) appreciation in spite of spiteful
(3) love your enemy as you love yourself

i still can look into your eyes and say:

God loves you and me just as much
no matter who is right or wrong
no matter who did what and did not do what
i may have the things you do not have
remember you have many things that i wish i could have a taste of...