a speck of dust

i feel uncomfortable to point out
or direct
maybe like scold and discipline someone

because this verse rings to me:

Matthew 7:

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

not that we should have fear to speak out the truth
nor do not use the role and responsibility given from God to make things right

but sometimes i am tempted to say:

(1) Do you see the log in you?
(2) What about you?
(3) Do you deserve to say this?

i know that i am tough and a little rebellious or defensive at certain times over certain issues because:

(1) i know that we all will make mistakes and

(2) we should be loving and attentive to our leaders' conducts,
if they fall, the whole church crumbles,
i know that church belongs to God and He will take care of it,
or church will go on no matter who is not here anymore,
but ask ourselves,
how many times do we see the church uppermost
destroy the church, betray trust,
the damages done need a long time to heal,
it is better to prevent than cure

(3) if you really ask why some people backslide, leave our church to join others and you will see

i need to clarify;

- i do not mean to rip things down but i try to mend back the little holes with clay,

- what i did may seem worthless, undeemable, no one will see the benefit of it,

- but i know the neglect of it will rollball to nothing good

i try to stand at a space no one wanted but it is a part of the kingdom of God
because i know by taking my stand here
i will know more of God's will without affected by any earthy and humanly benefits
my heart can set right and totally focus on God alone
i could prepare myself or God can prepare me to go places and conquer land for Jesus

i want to be totally immersed in "Go to every corner of the earth."
i do not belong here solely but i belonged here so that i could belong to every part of this world becasue every nation belongs to my Lord

_______________________________________________________

but when people quote from the bible and seems biblical but
the words they said seem to be less of justification and
not worthy to be pour out from the mouth
i will think:
who are you lying to?
me?
God will know and judge what is deep in your heart...

____________________________________________________________

undeserving

i am fine not to receive attention or compliments
i prefer to be low-keyed and have low profile
i could not put myself in the spotlight and taking key roles
as the matter of fact (i despise them)
i felt a sense of hypocrisy and pride

not that i am over qualified
or extra special
or very important person

as in the bible, everyone is given talent and gifting to serve in different entity to build up the Body of Christ in one
Thus, i am very sensitive when i pick up the scent that brings to mind:

(1) Will this affect the unity?
(2) Is this way appropriate?
(3) Can i use a method more amiable (pleasant)?
(4) is this a freewill or command streak?

- i will not take things personal, nor i keep grudge (issue does not make the person anything less)

- each matter is particular and should not be tangled with recent issue (dig up grave mentality) unless one uses undeserving words upon me ( ok to be not appreciated but should not say i did not do the things which i actually had done , i do things usually when i am on my own, not that i need constant appreciation but i will not tolerate LIARS )

The bible says in Matthew 6:

1"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Perhaps we are more familiar with these in the chapter:


- the Lord's prayer
- keeping treasure in heaven not earth
- do not worry about tomorrow

We often neglect the first half of the chapter

WHATever

when (What...?) becomes (whatever)....

i am disgusted and dismayed at my "whatever" attitude

Whatever attitude comprises of:

(1) i don't care
(2) i don't mind
(3) i don't bother
(4) does not concern me
(5) what you say is not important to ne
(6) stop poking in my face
(7) stay out of my sight
(8) get lost!!!
(9) you think you are so special, step off
(10) just a cliche...(i no longer understand why i say so)

a word with lots of disguise

where does it come by?
let me see....

(1) no one understands
(2) no one feel the same
(3) people do not give the expected response
(4) i am just frustrated
(5) what i do and say is not important
(6) internal rebellion
(7) childish mind set
(8) silly remark

perhaps i should mildly approach these emotions
and convert "whatever" to:

(1) as you please
(2) anything will do
(3) it is ok
(4) fine to me
(5) as long as you like it

well, it sounds different now, right?

happy ending By: Avril Lavigne

My Happy Ending ..

Let's talk this over

It's not like we're dead

Was it something I did?

Was it something You said?

Don't leave me hangin'

In a city so dead

Held up so high

On such a breakable thread

You were all the things

I thought I knew

And I thought we could be

You were everything,

everything that I wanted (I wanted)

We were meant to be,

supposed to be

But we lost it (We lost it)

All of our memories,

so close to me

Just fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh

so much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh ohoh oh, oh oh

You've got your dumb friends

I know what they say

They tell you I'm difficult

But so are they (So are they)

But they don't know me

Do they even know you? (Even know you)

All the things you hide from me

All the s*** that you do

(All the s*** that you do)

You were all the things I thought I knew

And I thought we could be

You were everything,

everything that I wanted (That I wanted)

We were meant to be,

supposed to be, but we lost it (We lost it)

And all of our memories,

so close to me,

just fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there,

Thanks for acting like you care

And making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all

Thanks for watching as I fall

And letting me know we were Done...

He was everything,

everything that I wanted

We were meant to be,

supposed to be, but we lost it

And all of our memories,

so close to me,

just fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

My quote:

When you left, you took a part of me with you

not only memories of you' r gone

a part of me is gone too

i don't really miss you

i don't miss the moments we are together

but, i miss a friend, once, i used to have

i miss the conversation and aspiration we shared

but, no more

i could never find a friend like you....

Goodbye, my friend....ONCE and for ALL

the real me / the real you

i nearly exploded
but i hold it in really good
i guess all this while, i am well-trained
i guess all this while, i grew out of it
i guess all this while, i grow matured

perhaps, i am so fed-up with you
perhaps, i try to give you a second chance
perhaps, i do not care what you do or say anymore

why are you
so selfish
so shallow

you do things out of :
obligation
authority pressure

You do things for:
blessing
position
namesake
habitual

i do not know why are you still doing the things you are doing
if you do not intend to go second mile
if you do not intend to do your best

i am angry
not because of your weakness and lacking

i am angry
because i know you are so much better than this
because i see God's guidance in you
i am not angry, i am disappointed actually

you are such a letdown.....
STEP UP...come on.

cruel intention

may i know what is your intention



behind the things you do
the things you say
the actions you did
the things you ignore

i do not believe you
nor did i trust you
as a whole, i did not even like you

but i love you
i care about you
i support you
when you need me, i will be there for you

i tried to understand
the things you do
the things you say
the actions you did
the things you ignore

i know that i may never understand

because:

i did not go through what you did
i cannot do what you did
i would not say what you say

i believe that people are
kind-hearted
good natured
i still do

despite we are all sinners
because we are all made in the image of God
because we are filled with holy-spirit

you doubted me
so do i

no one is in the position to condemn
nor anyone has the right to be self-defined righteous

i learnt so much from you:

(1) united in diversity
(2) appreciation in spite of spiteful
(3) love your enemy as you love yourself

i still can look into your eyes and say:

God loves you and me just as much
no matter who is right or wrong
no matter who did what and did not do what
i may have the things you do not have
remember you have many things that i wish i could have a taste of...

MAJOR / minor

There have been many things circling around my mind

i tried to shuffle the agendas at the back of my mind

time is so short,

so many things to be set on time

i used to think that my ministry should be church-based

but it is so dragging, ineffective, mini minorconflicts, clash, disagreement, and stuffs

which i am embarassed to say even in my own blog

you see,

that is how it is

something is there

but you cannot mention it

you cannot speak out

like a tape is across your mouth

i do not want to be used as a satan's tool

i have to be wise in my response
the wisest would be "keep my mouth shut."

i have to be cautious of my actions and speech
so careful...
like treading on a thread

i could not breathe
i need to fly away for a little while

i have to let go to let God be in charge of my life
now i started to take things in the stride

just be natural

go with the flow

let the Holy Spirit inspires me
don't be so well-planned
the impact is so minimal
it is important to be genuine
people could see it through us and
feel the vibe in us.

amen.

my dear blog,
now you are my closest friendi could tell you everything
i couldn't speak
but you could

my major are now

my outreach and cg
i could not care less of what is happening in HOG

i am sorry God
i tried my best

God, lead the way
i cannot write on.....