I feel that i am like an artist who comes on screen now and then
There is certain inconsistency in my performance
I see myself slipping and falling away
falling away....................
It is like a "one hit wonder."
and gone into obscurity.
My fear of,
(1) matching up to past performance (compare)
(2) success, i tried to walk the line not to make others insecure (turn ppl off)
(3) not to cross the line of ranking and authority (do not command)
(4) being seen as proud, selfish, vain, people pleaser and over board (OVER!!)
(5) being under spotlight and radar (prone to be crucified, is she trying to attract attention, GRRRLLLL...)
is taking a toll of me, and making me unable to come out of my shell.
I feel paralyzed.
I know that i need to step out of my comfort zone, even if it costs ....ME.
All the time, I applied these methodology:
(1) do not suggest,
lead others to speak it out
(because a lot of teaching does not mean
the listener will take action or really repent,
thus try to let them say it and
commit to their own words rather than ours),
By the way, some people like to say the last words:
"i am not going to do it because you said it, i will just take another way
as long as people recognise it as my own.")
Works for passive or prideful people.
(2) whenever people need support and assistance,
be there to support
(important to break the culture of
just commanding and delegating
without taking the highest responsibility,
leader does not means manager,
leader stays at the front and leads by example,
managers push from behind using authority through structure)
i am a leader not a manager.
Works for completing task on time.
(3) let people express themselves freely
even if it is not of the norm.
every believer has to go through this stage,
if not given the channel to speak out,
may just bury inside their heart,
the effects will seep through their actions subconciously
(repeating the same mistake or commit it even after taught),
Really repenting or justifying; saying bible says so and thus,
just works if the person is logical,
We need to cater for emotionally,
question barking(why!!!) or
historically-inclined people,
There are more than one way to bring back a lost sheep,
I don't like to force upon people and
I do not like "authoritarian" style...
i prefer free-will (just like God gives to us)
Works during emotionally and problematic seasons.
(4) I will stand at the view point of the certain person
and look from his/her side of the story and
usually stands with him/her.
(I am with you, let us get out of this depression pit together,
I was once gravely depressed so i understand)
I would try my best to understand the situation
(the emotional part), because
I believe that not every situation need
logical explanation and evidence proving.
Just a little understanding and compassion could solve it.
Perhaps i will not advise biblically like the way usually done,
but i have my way to win the person back to God.
By the way, i have a team of great teachers that could do the teaching.
Someone has to play my part...It is not an easy part.
The victims (so called!) will not take in my advices well, as
only want my understanding
and the teachers will condemn me (is it biblical?)
But if my part is abolished,
many things will go underneath without anyone finding out, right?
Works to know the whole TRUTH!
(5) I take up my character depending on the situation.
I know the responsibilities and impacts each character available.
I judge accordingly so that i know that i can really commit and
could predict the end results for my specific action.
I am very careful.
Because i know of a concept "no turning back."
Each commitment clings to me for a lifetime..
I do not do things half way.
Works well to change atmosphere gradually and proggressively!
I am a biblical REBEL! i am not a bible cyborg...
I do hold to the truth and my faith but do things unconservatively!
It does not make me any less of a Child of God.
I will still be 
then i ask myself the ultimate question:
i discover
