Starlight, star bright

I was reminded to hold on to the promises of God

(Psalm 31)
and be an overcomer,
be the head not the tail and
to be uprising and
performing miracles in workplace.

This is a lesson stressed for times and times.
It was only that day i discovered that it might be a culture distinction for our church.
I had been uncomfortable thinking, " i have to stand out."
Outstanding

Humility and obscurity has been a norm in the church
if someone told you that you are a people -pleaser or you are attention seeking
it was like you are struck by leprosy



"Be the brightest star you can in your circle of influence."

kind of make me twitched

What is important is my life as a mission has to be a "punch."

So when i am with my students, i treat them differently, i sound differently.

Shine, Angie, Shine, Shine for Jesus

You cannot satisfy everyone's requirement

So,use your discernment and chameleonity

We need to create an atmosphere that makes people want to be a part not apart,
Set up as a organisation which is:

(1) educational

(2) supportive

(3) contributive to the society

(4) a personal platform

(5) positive competitive

There is no space for:

(1) dull personality

(2) delusion

(3) inconfidence/insufficient/faithless

(4) fear of failure and rejection

We need to be:

(1) comfortable in the spotlight

(2) force ourselves above circumstances

(3) laugh through our weaknesses

(4) stand in the front

(5) speak aloud

(6) supporting and pushing everyone

I see that there are a few shifts need to be done in my personal style:

(1) Instead of pushing from behind,

i need to overcome,

be at front,

and lead others by the hand

(2) Do not see the differences within us,

but discover ways to

unite and bring out the best

by connecting and synergy.

(3) Instead of being ashamed for

being pointed out by others

(good / bad or untrue / true),

take it in

(we need publicity, exposure and non-stop excitement)

(4) Do not observe, act!!!!
Anything is better than nothing...

i am not perfect

i could not sleep at night (for nights)
i prefer to do my devotion after midnight
bounce awake early in the morning

62 At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your
promises.

i do things my way
and end up crashing my head onto the wall
injured and dizzy
(confused, thinking why am i
the only unblessed Christian)

71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

my soul dreaded
( i am not a negative thinker,
just always filled with many concerns)

81 My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.

I cried daily
( i wonder if i am
depressed or emotional)

136 Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.

Enlightenment from Psalm 119. (Not only a passage in the bible but my passage of life in seeking God)

comPROMISE

Would i compromise?

that is a tough question for me to answer.
i would say i rather find a less resistant approach and
slowly working my way up and beyond

Before,
i am a straight-forward and stay true to my words
Now,
i am more savvy and stay true to my applications
i need to find a path which is relevant and approacable

Am i compromising?

I would not say so.
i think it is wiser to say something that people can find no offense in
and yet still rooted in my faith

Would i compromise if pressed?

At this stage, i would say, perhaps.
Actually, quite high possiblity.

In my mind,
opinions of others matters.
acceptance comcerns me.
standing in the open to be condemned ....
petrified me

this is the issue i have to settle before God before i could be greatly used.
This is the most lengthy blog i ever wrote because
i decided to stop being compromising in my values once and for all.

Pray for me that holy words stay on my lips and on my path,
carved in my heart and mind.
instilled deep into my soul.

power words my experience famous verses my needs

Psalm 119

11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
18 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.
20 My soul is consumed with longing of your laws at all times.
25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.
37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.
43 Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws.
48 I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees.
50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
54 Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge.
55 In the night I remember your name, O LORD, and I will keep your law.
58 I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.
62 At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.
68 You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.
71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.
81 My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word.
89 Your word, O LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.
94 Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts.
96 To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless.

104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.
113 I hate double-minded men, but I love your law.
114 You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
117 Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees.
120 My flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws.
125 I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes.
126 It is time for you to act, O LORD; your law is being broken.
128 and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path.
130 The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
135 Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.
136 Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.
145 I call with all my heart; answer me, O LORD, and I will obey your decrees.
147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.
164 Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws.
176 I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.

my love is short

My love is my short hair

i was posed a question:
What are the most appealing and attractive of you?
i really think it through and observe:
i would say short hair, eyeliner and a heavy slap of mascara

i was posed a thought:
We are always attracted to the same type of people and attract the same type too. Do you agree?
i do not have to think twice.
It is real. Of course it is.

My type: love God, leader type, nice, kind, always smiling, humorous, sweet-natured and when i dig deeper, they are not that holy as they looked

I was their type : looking for someone that can serve God with them. I could be a good partner with whom i am assigned with. Later i found out, they never consider me as their top priority. i felt used and not important.
mostly, they are dollar-concious, not attentive,
however kind-hearted and helpful
at the end, i became a co-worker rather than a life partner

frustration.....

God, let me know that your love is greater than life itself....Amen.

Psalm 63
A psalm of David.
When he was in the Desert of Judah as i am in a desert of no love.

1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

NOT again!!!

i sprained my ankle during a badminton game
i always fell, hurt, cut, chopped myself, bled, bruised and the list goes on....
i am glad to be still in one whole piece

it is getting embarassing to ever hurt myself in any way or others

it is normal to be injured
but it is not normal to be injured in each outdoor activity



Many years ago, i will tell God, "take away this thorn in my flesh"
2 Corinthians: 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

i wonder if ..

my physical configuration is unbalanced
i am mentally disturbed that i lost control
psychologically attention seeking
i really don't know
if i knew, i would not let this happen to me

i doubt myself
i want to be self-sufficient and independent

i have many scars on my body to show the:

mishaps
misfortunes
accidents
pains
i went through and endured all this while

no pain, no gain
let me see what are the positive behind these...

ehmm....
maybe can see who really cares for me
maybe can experience that i am weak, i need God's strength
suddenly feel that i need to be taken care of, tired of just looking after others
afraid..... oh, i am supposed to think of the good things..

when we are sick and in pain,
it is hard not to see the dark side.

Bothers and sisters, if your flesh is inflicted like mine...let's make this psalm our prayer

Psalm 38 (every verse hits hard on me...so real...as if talking about my life)
A psalm of David. A petition.

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.
2 For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me.
3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
4 My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.
5 My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly.
6 I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body.
8 I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.
9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes.
11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.
12 Those who seek my life set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day long they plot deception.
13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;
14 I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.
15 I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, "Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips."
17 For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me.
18 I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin.
19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies; those who hate me without reason are numerous.
20 Those who repay my good with evil slander me when I pursue what is good.
21 O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God.
22 Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

prayers

after i learned to speak in tongue

my prayers in real words diminished,

i wonder if it affects my prayer life
my relationship with God

last sermon's topic

mentioned about,

God heard our prayers

not seen, but heard

i started to think:

i do not think it will

impact any differently if

we say something in our heart

or speak it out

God understands us anyhow, right

just now when i was eating my lunch,

something occured to me

usually i have the problem

of communicating using speech,

because i feel that i could not

express that efficiently in Mandarin,

which is in my culture.

i do not want to appear different

or intellectual ,

which is discriminating

at least i think that way.

usually when i speak

there are just too many disractions,

because i always give way for others to express themselves,

i am very careful that

i speak something that people understood

not of my own personal opinion,

i am defined as someone who takes thing personal already

However

i am fine because i have God on speed dial

Thank God for His hotline

that i can connect with you

through Jesus Christ in spirit

words are powerful...

let me elaborate.

(1) God gave us His words, commands, bible as a guidance

Psalm 119:130

The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.

(2) We listen to sermon and sing songs in words (if there is melody without lyrics, how are we going to sing in spirit and truth)

2 Samuel 22:1

[ David's Song of Praise ] David sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul.

(3) we talk to people in language that they know well to bring our ideas across

Psalm 49:3

My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding.

(4) we console through words to teach, rebuke and guide (we cannot just express through touch or eyes contact, can us?)

Luke 7:40Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said.

(5) we can bring people down and raise people only by words (people would not know anything if we just keep quiet, right?) so we encourage and affirm by words, looking into their eyes and really mean it.

Job 16:5But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

(6) How many times are we suddenly woke up from delusion when a certain word just open our mind? at least, that is frequent for me. so God will use my mouth to do the same too.

ok. the list will go neverending. i guess i made the case.

i came to a conclusion:

(1) i will pray in words in regular basis. (in spirit and in truth)

(2) this is a good practice for me to be a good teacher of the truth, a good shepherd and a leader to come. ( i am a self-apppointed assistant to anyone in need)

(3) i will blog more often because my fingers express better and faster than my mouth. (i am good writer than a speaker, ha! weird.)

(4) words bridge and link my ideas to reality. ( will make a difference/ more effective )

i am so glad....so relieved....i feel freed. YEAH!

thank you blog.

Me and you

i find the way;

into your heart

into your mind

into the inner circle

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

i am your close friend

but never could be your best friend

i am satisfied

to keep you at an arm's length
i do not want to complicate our relationship

i would like to love everyone

equally, just as much

be fair and square

no favouritism

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

i am satisfied with this intimacy

perhaps you felt that i kept a distance

perhaps you are right

it is a perfect distance

i have to make sure

i could give everyone

everything that i gave you

if i need to answer why

i would say;

life experience

i saw the damage done

when there is;

injustice

authoritarian complex

siblings jeolousy

favor fighting

i tried to apply damage control;

i wonder if it will hurt my relationship with you....

if you treasure me, please understand.

( Dedicated to all my acquaintances.)

Forget what is behind

Forget what is behind

i am a forgetful person
i wonder why?

i do not like to remember
the facts
the dates

the past
the wrongdoings
what i should have done but did not
what i could have prevented but did not
the regrets

i like to live in the present
if it is over, i let it be
what is done is done, why brood over it?

i discover

i live in the past
i do not let go of the past
i hold on to it like a latch on a dog
and the dog keeps on tugging at the latch
sometimes, the little dog is budging me

i have to pull it strongly to keep it close

Psalm 139: 23

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

i am a contradict

Psalm 109:22

For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.

if i could not be and have what my heart desires
i let it be
for a moment
whenever possible, i will satisfy that ....
in a way

Psalm 134: 4

So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

conciously.... i have forgotten
subconciously.... i have not
unconciously....my life is fitting
my past into my present
like missing pieces of puzzle

there are too many times
i find myself going back

there are too many times
i find myself unable to resist

Romans 15:4

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

but now i am ready to handle and tackle it
i am given a second chance

for myself;

i know that actually i am taking a familiar road
a path that i have walked down before
i do not want to give up without taking second chances

i do not like going through my life
thinking
what if...... i believe i could overcome....