what will happen when we PRAISE?

Praising God

God deserves our adoration, attention and our whole

to worship Him and seek Him all the time

by prayers or reading the Word of God

(i am delivering out of my logic thinking than utmost emotion as i write this)

if i had nothing good to speak of, what could i say to praise Him?

- praise God that i am still alive (there are so many possibilities to perish in this world)

- praise God that i am sill protected under His Love (not hurt or injured by any sense)

- praise God that i am still healthy (not inflicted/afflicted)

- praise God that i am still sober in thinking (did not lose my mind)

as i gain perspective, my faith in God is gaining back presumptuosly

Praising people

praising people and pleasing people are not the same

i am still adamant of

observing the goodness of people and lift them up

prevention is better than cure

discovering goodness is like providing supplement

taking them to stay healthy

rather than

problem-spotting, solving and crisis control

appear when it is time to " save the day."

like taking medicine and antibiotics

seems to take effects just because we are sick in the first place

i think the perspective of looking at things

could be the distinction of

keeping and growing

Self-praise

i am quite sensitive with the word "self"

i just climbed up from self-absorption

(always fell into it and climb back up, ha!)

but a certain level of self-praise is healthy

not to the extent of delusion and deception

a pat on the back

a relief

"well-done"

i believe in internal motivation (drive / passion / Holy Spirit)

than relying on external (inreliable / hard to expect)

holiday soon

now is school holiday
so for this week, all my classes will be shifted up
leaving me free time in the evening until night time
i had to make sure that all the students are notified
by sms ing them a night before

then i have to buy bus ticket home and back here
what did i miss.....?
my best friend's wedding is on 6/6, Saturday
got to get an outfit for that
she is considered to be my long-standing childhood friend
known her since primary school
brought me to church in the university
introduce me to Jesus Christ

i had always wanted to join Christian Felllowship
in secondary years
but she never had invited me
well, so be it
i am now involved in church
so....as a whole
i did not miss a thing

i am planning of going for a vacation in Melaka
3 days and 2 nights
i have to ask a friend
studied in Melaka before
to help me plan the accomodation
well........holiday does not mean resting
but recharging and being with family
FINALLY

holiday needs planning and money
i do not know (why) but i am quite STINGY nowadays!!!!
i prefer to have them saved and not spent
but spending motivates earning
and it is a good initiation

HAPPY HOLIDAY TO ME!

busy week ahead

next week will be a supernatural week
everyday we will be meeting up with brothers and sisters

i am thinking of practicing fast and pray every night

i do not know how committed i would be

but i would like to give it a try

if i want to increase my faith
to believe of the miracles happening during the supernatural sunday
i need to start small

just now at ministry house
i was looking at a devotional material written by Joseph Prince
at first i thought, "another gimmick book."

i looked at the biography
senior pastor of new creations church
with members growing to 150,000
my eyeballs bulge

i read through hoping to catch a glimpse on what
is the mindthology of a leader to grow a church to such a limit

what is the distinction / difference marker between a normal and a mega church

the passages are speaking into my heart

as if God is talking to me

fulfilling my inner needs

answering my doubt

calming my stormy heart

the points that i caught are:

(1) when bible mentions that Jesus dies for us and carry our every trangressions, " surely" is mentioned

(2) God does not keep record of our shortcomings example of David, Samuel (the many biblical giants) but recall their victories in God as is written in Hebrews

(3) Sometimes, we are compulsed to help out someone in our heart, but is it God's will? (Jesus healed some but not all as God has His Purpose of doing in whatever is done)

(4) A woman had a bent back and had to look at the dust on the ground all her life, until one day she saw the feet of Jesus and He healed her. the devil slides on the ground eating dust. Dust signifies sin and evil abiding.

What do they mean to me?

(1) I need to be affirmed that i am not condemned by sin and overwhelming sense of guilt.

(2) Good or bad happenings are in God's hands and God comforts all

WHATever

when (What...?) becomes (whatever)....

i am disgusted and dismayed at my "whatever" attitude

Whatever attitude comprises of:

(1) i don't care
(2) i don't mind
(3) i don't bother
(4) does not concern me
(5) what you say is not important to ne
(6) stop poking in my face
(7) stay out of my sight
(8) get lost!!!
(9) you think you are so special, step off
(10) just a cliche...(i no longer understand why i say so)

a word with lots of disguise

where does it come by?
let me see....

(1) no one understands
(2) no one feel the same
(3) people do not give the expected response
(4) i am just frustrated
(5) what i do and say is not important
(6) internal rebellion
(7) childish mind set
(8) silly remark

perhaps i should mildly approach these emotions
and convert "whatever" to:

(1) as you please
(2) anything will do
(3) it is ok
(4) fine to me
(5) as long as you like it

well, it sounds different now, right?

discovery

everyday is a discovery journey for me

unveiling every darkest secret, background and past

forgotten but keep coming back to haunt

so says, elephant never forgets

so am i

my subconcious is so strong that it digs and buries

my subconcious is equally strong that

as i think and dwell on matters

it just unlocked all these forbidden

prisons and the captives run wild

creating havoc in my mind

like a war-torn battle field

the lessons i have learnt from this mentality i am born with:

(1) take authority over my own mind
(2) overcome not neglect / ignore / suppress
(3) speak in tongue whenever all hells break loose, submit my soul and spirit to God
(4) find a victorous way out, no matter what, do not dwell in it but climb to the peak and conquer it.

hope to discover diamonds not coals....in time to come...

growing

i am glad that our blogger family is growing rapidly

the satisfaction level just explode off the roof top

online journalling. diary keeping or blogging (to your liking)

is so much better at expressing than merely verbal communication because:

(1) you have a topic in mind and more focused in expressing

(2) when we quiet down, so much pours in and out of our mind

(3) it is just plain thrilling to feel and see at the emotional and personal level of the writer

(4) it is so humane to know that people are struggling and facing similar issues

(5) when we blog, we are facing the computer and on our own, that is the moment, we are most truthful to ourselves.

In short, i just enjoy seeing through the lenses of others

addiction

i have to admit i am addicted

obsessed

could not live without

_______________________

my blog

_______________________

it becomes my driving force

my motivation

my devotion period

i have to admit i am not worshipping the Lord

but i am worshipping myself (self-indulgence)

When my line was struck by lightning

i was cut away from the internet

and my life crumbles

i have no channel to express myself

i have nothing

i could have written and journalled

by writing down

but i hates my writing

jumbling

i could have typed on my computer

but i could not put my fingers on it

i know why....

because i am addicted to others' responses

i need to know that i am heard, accepted and recognised

broadcasted on a media

i am living for myself, in myself and with myself

it is all about ME, ME and ME

This long lonely week without blogging

is a wake up call for me

I need my Lord

i need to come before my Lord sincerely and faithfully

i need acceptance from God not from people

I am living for God not for any one else

i confess my sins and vanity

now, i shall blog with a refound new attitude...

i am back

finally i am back after a hectic pursue over the
tm net technical p.i.c

we have to call and lodge a complaint
everyday
several times

finally it dawned on me

that procrastination is subliminating into....

- work culture

- my life

wow....my life encompasses:

- my teaching classes

(i wait until last minute to notify my holiday schedule)

- my serving

(i know the stuffs i need to carry out everyday but just seem to put into action)

- my waking hours

(if i could, i will sleep through the morning when there are no classes,

no meaning to wake up early since i could not blog for the last week,

when i woke up, feel like going back to sleep again)

even when i walk, i just drag my feet along

now that i finally can online and start blogging

hopefully my life will turn back normal

the chain effect

Have you ever thought about "How come this person is....thus and thus?"

and became more and seem to have shaped into that person' s character

or

You heard someone claims, "I really hate me, I despise him."

and

found out that he was just like the person he hates

He seems to have moulded into the one he hates.

or

You heard, " Hey, why did you.....thus and thus."

but

you found out or notice that this person is

not much better or even worse

and yet dare to raise up her voice

or

A person wants to change and help someone in distress

But before able to help, fall into the same pit

and face the same problems

Do these people really purposely or deliberately morph into these unwanted characters?

How does this change come about?

Where is the turning point?

Do they notice that?

or

Perhaps, am I over sensitive?

I refer to the bible to find out the cause and cure of it

ripple effect

A little action results in an impact

is it possible?

Do we have to stand at the arena of stars to make a difference?

I mean a ripple (a tiny drip of water speck) in the sense of:

a smile

a friendly look

laughter

a word of gratitude, "Thanks."

It is important to know that even a very mini menial tiny micro ripple

does change or impact,

to really live out the best and shine every second we are with a soul,

because we will never know when

a smile can change a day's outlook

a word of thanks keep the person going

a cheer motivates in the darkest moment

a look in the eye could assure and boost one's confidence

a nod of the head sends out approval

a tap on the shoulder close up a gap

a word of encouragement keeps on living in one's memory

The most loving language is those not spoken, but felt by others. Quote: Angie

biblical spy

Last Sunday evening, several of us went to the neighbouring houses to give out the Supernatural Healing flyers.

It is an enticing and frightening experience to go out there and promote our event.

We sat in a circle to start our day out .

It was just like this passage in......

Deuteronomy 1:

22 Then all of you came to me and said, "Let us send men ahead to spy out the land for us and bring back a report about the route we are to take and the towns we will come to."
23 The idea seemed good to me; so I selected twelve of you, one man from each tribe.

24 They left and went up into the hill country, and came to the Valley of Eshcol and explored it. 25 Taking with them some of the fruit of the land, they brought it down to us and reported, "It is a good land that the LORD our God is giving us."

At the end of the day, we are so filled with faith and conviction as we proclaimed,

as in......

Numbers 13:

30 One spy, Caleb, dissents and shouts above the others: "Let us by all means go up, ki yachol nuchal lah ("for we shall surely overcome it").

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A gentle stir in my heart says, " Infernal Affairs" for quite some time,

i wonder what does it mean?

It is a Hong Kong movie, all right....

There is nothing godly about that.

Then, it keeps coming back.

Finally, I sat before my computer and started blogging.

All right, I clicked on the Bible Gateway and think

then typed, "undercover."

And certainly, it came back, " no found."

I am not going to give up until I get to the bottom of this.

I quiet down.

and so I typed the word, "spy."

And the story starts...............

God told Moses to send men to spy out the land of Canaan.

They were to find out about the land and the people in the land.
He asked them to bring back some of the fruit that was ripe.

The men went into the land and found that it really was a good land.

The grapes were so big that it took two men to carry a cluster of them on a pole between them.

But the people there were very big and tall, and the spies were afraid of them.

They were gone for 40 days.

Ten of the men began to tell about the giants and how fearful they were.

They told of large cities with high walls around them.

"We cannot go into this land," they said.

"We were just like grasshoppers in our own sight, and also in the sight of the people there."

Two men; Caleb and Joshua said,

"Let us go up at once and take possession, for we are able to overcome it."

The Israelites didn't want to go and take Canaan as God had wanted.

God punished them by making them

wander in the desert for 40 years.

They had to wander around one year for every day the spies had been gone.

Of the twelve men, only Joshua and Caleb got to go into Canaan.

If Canaan stands for land of Kuantan,

are we the majority 10 spies or the other 2 spies?

What are our perception of ourselves,

grasshopper or overcomer?

Is 9 years of us here just a beginning of the 40 years trial?

No, it ends when we gain a correct perspective

of us being here.

We are here to claim land of Kuantan as our promised land.

We will conquer.

We will overcome.

Let's end this journey and walk out...............

Supernatural Healing Rally will be the defining moment of the end of .........desert and drought.

AMEN.

one hit wonder

I feel that i am like an artist who comes on screen now and then

There is certain inconsistency in my performance

I see myself slipping and falling away

falling away....................

It is like a "one hit wonder."

and gone into obscurity.

My fear of,

(1) matching up to past performance (compare)

(2) success, i tried to walk the line not to make others insecure (turn ppl off)

(3) not to cross the line of ranking and authority (do not command)

(4) being seen as proud, selfish, vain, people pleaser and over board (OVER!!)

(5) being under spotlight and radar (prone to be crucified, is she trying to attract attention, GRRRLLLL...)

is taking a toll of me, and making me unable to come out of my shell.

I feel paralyzed.

I know that i need to step out of my comfort zone, even if it costs ....ME.

All the time, I applied these methodology:

(1) do not suggest,

lead others to speak it out

(because a lot of teaching does not mean

the listener will take action or really repent,

thus try to let them say it and

commit to their own words rather than ours),

By the way, some people like to say the last words:

"i am not going to do it because you said it, i will just take another way

as long as people recognise it as my own.")

Works for passive or prideful people.

(2) whenever people need support and assistance,

be there to support

(important to break the culture of

just commanding and delegating

without taking the highest responsibility,

leader does not means manager,

leader stays at the front and leads by example,

managers push from behind using authority through structure)

i am a leader not a manager.

Works for completing task on time.

(3) let people express themselves freely

even if it is not of the norm.

every believer has to go through this stage,

if not given the channel to speak out,

may just bury inside their heart,

the effects will seep through their actions subconciously

(repeating the same mistake or commit it even after taught),

Really repenting or justifying; saying bible says so and thus,

just works if the person is logical,

We need to cater for emotionally,

question barking(why!!!) or

historically-inclined people,

There are more than one way to bring back a lost sheep,

I don't like to force upon people and

I do not like "authoritarian" style...

i prefer free-will (just like God gives to us)

Works during emotionally and problematic seasons.

(4) I will stand at the view point of the certain person

and look from his/her side of the story and

usually stands with him/her.

(I am with you, let us get out of this depression pit together,

I was once gravely depressed so i understand)

I would try my best to understand the situation

(the emotional part), because

I believe that not every situation need

logical explanation and evidence proving.

Just a little understanding and compassion could solve it.

Perhaps i will not advise biblically like the way usually done,

but i have my way to win the person back to God.

By the way, i have a team of great teachers that could do the teaching.

Someone has to play my part...It is not an easy part.

The victims (so called!) will not take in my advices well, as

only want my understanding

and the teachers will condemn me (is it biblical?)

But if my part is abolished,

many things will go underneath without anyone finding out, right?

Works to know the whole TRUTH!

(5) I take up my character depending on the situation.

I know the responsibilities and impacts each character available.

I judge accordingly so that i know that i can really commit and

could predict the end results for my specific action.

I am very careful.

Because i know of a concept "no turning back."

Each commitment clings to me for a lifetime..

I do not do things half way.

Works well to change atmosphere gradually and proggressively!

I am a biblical REBEL! i am not a bible cyborg...

I do hold to the truth and my faith but do things unconservatively!

It does not make me any less of a Child of God.

serving attitude

I ask myself, " Why does disappointment occur during serving?"

I think to myself, " This is impossible."

A thought came to my mind, " Because we are serving ourselves not God."

This is an important issue to tackle becaue dissapointment is the first stumbling block of every endeavour, spiritual or not.

What do you expect when you give, contribute in church or evangelise?

For a harvest, addition in numbers and growth in every aspect?

Of course, it is nothing wrong having objectives and purposes behind doings.

The problem is rooted in the expectation....

Why do we expect something, and when it is granted, we are estatic and grateful because God heard our cries?

Why is it hard to grasp and feeling down when things do not come our ways as we have anticipated (high hopes and full of faith)?

Are we demanding instant result in this fast paced world?

I always asked myself how do we know someone's attitude?

It is very important to have the right attitude to go far and go right.

Through prayers...

Not just praying frequently and fervently.

But the words we chose...not that whether we quote from bible or very powerful words (only)

It is the words.

When we listen carefully, we will hear these terms being used. Let's analyze:

(1) Each time I prayed, God answered my prayers.

(2) I want to claim from God for blessings.

I agree that we must have faith...that we will see things come to pass.

Just be flexible because things may not turn out the way we prayed for.

Some seem like dead end (but it is just a bend)

Some are lessons to be learnt (the hard way)

Expect God (only God) not in: details or circumstances..

God not only gives the best, God do it in the best way

The Hard Way is the Best Way to learn

We are not easy sailer

We are warrior, overcomer and winner.

I ask myself:

Are your prayer selfish?

Are your prayer self-fulfilling?

Are your praying to God or yourself?

I need to get the correct serving attitude...

commitment

What does the word "commitment" trigger you?

(1) long term, permanent, no way out, pressure, no turning back (THINK TWICE)

(2) afraid of commitment does not mean

cannot commit or

will not commit;

perhaps need longer consideration,

is a serious person when it comes to responsibility,

a deep thinker + logical person + think of pros and cons

(3) marriage; not many believe in marriage,

many rather be lovers or co-habit,

do not want to have kids,

some even change partners in a snap,

could not have long-term of relationship

(could not keep on when conflicts arise or when the other half wants further progress)

(4) commitment = faithful = responsible
faithful = race to the end / faithful even in small things to slowly build commitment
responsible = accountable / will take things in hands / do with all heart and mind

How inter-related are these?

(5) is there a short-term commitment?

is it a way-out / drop-out for a less commited person?

How well do you know ME?

There is a whirlwind storm in Facebook

on this specific quiz
where people post

"How well do you know me?"

From the viewpoint of questions:

(1) Some are quite obvious (which you can refer in their profile or the statements they made in their walls)

(2) Some are secretive in real life (So the answer is not what you would expect)

(3) Some questions reflect of their inner desires / wants / needs

(4) Some questions seem to be venting out their life frustrations

(5) Through the questions they made, we can see that there are simple to understand ones and complicated ones.

(6) Through the questions posted, we could evaluate how open that person is...

(7) Some people lays obtacles, walls and doors in their relationships

After completing the answers, friends would be:

(1) sad knowing that they do not know their friend that well

(2) suprised to know the true answers

This quiz is so great as it:

(1) evokes such a passion to build a deeper relationship.

(2) serves as a platform for us to express and be open

(3) open the heart publicly to people that would like to know you better

(4) is a channel for sharing

(5) people will join your quiz and you will join theirs

(6) everyone is excited to make their own quiz, through questions-making, they begin to reflect and think of the options / possibilities

(7) that link keep on growing and interlocking that my facebook walls are fulled with thus quizzes, answers and comments...

Above all,

it gives me a chance to look into people

not only looking at...

7th lie, lies in heaven

My life is a shabble of lies

under the power of lies, of a mother

1.My mum used to say that she hates people who tells lies.

But the biggest liar of them all, is herself

She often takes the tip of chicken wing for herself

Telling us that it was the tastiest part of a bird

One day, I took it for myself

All I crunch on is bones

However, I chose to believe her

as I chew on my drumstick

2. As I grew older,

life did not get easier,

She took up a job as a a babysitter,

She always took in little boys,

She told me that she loves to have a son,

as she only bore 4 daughters

I was jealous thinking that

My mum is unfair.

The money she earned,

feed us and school us,

put a roof above our heads.

It was years later that I discover that she works at home

to be able to care for us

not to abandon us at home

as she worked outside

Why did she lie?

3.My favourite and frequent meals are banana fritters and nasi lemak,

When I get home from school,

I would look into the food store

and find a mountain of fried bananas,

My mum cooked the world's delicious sambal ikan bilis,

and the most aromatic coconut rice.

It was her best recipe.

Little did i know that it was the cheapest recipe

that she could come up with

4.She walked everywhere,

because we do not have transportation,

She said that she needed the exercise

When she bought a second-hand car,

she was in such a frenzy,

that she sold the car for a RM5OO lost

after only a few drives

In my heart,

i was thinking that

"my mum is timid."

For years she told me

that she woke up after nightmares

of car crashes

How could i not see the link between these 2 events?

5.After graduation, i worked miles away,

Only coming back for holidays,

She told me it is ok to be independent

But why did she get hurt when i forgot to call back home?

6.My mum took weird diet of fresh fruits and vegetables

that tastes weird and smells weird

She tells me that it is healthy

i never got to why she would eat that

until she tells me that her blood pressure

is not getting any lower

7. As she gets older,

she was afflicted with old age complication,

her heart, her eyes

She told me that she rather die than to be sick

It is too much for her to suffer all her life

I thought, "Pessimistic."

Truth is she does not want to burden her children

that placed multitude of burdens upon her

I was a leukematic

My first sis was rebellious (never see eye to eye)

The second sister is diagnosed to be deaf, but then confirmed to be autistic

My youngest sister has insecurity problems since infancy and hyperventilation complications

If she could, she would have died years ago

But she kept on for her 4 children

"Don' t cry, my dear. Im not in pain."

After saying her 7th lie,

She closed her eyes forever!

No, she didn't
i would not let that happen

without telling her that

"How could you let me believe your lies for years,

how could you hide the truth from me,

the truth that you love me

will never forsake me

without any condition attached."

I am sorry, mum,

for not being considerate.

i will learn to see the truth behind the lies.