running without a pause

in the past,
when i told myself that it was over
i forgave myself and others
i no longer remember
"put it behind me"
"whoosh...all gone"

but when i crossed the roads........why did the cars come so near me?
when i walked down the stairs......why did my knees go wobbly?
when i talked....jammed, where am i? (confused)
i just shut down and shut up!

and i could not find the reasons
or comprehend
what is the rationality?

could not make a sense out of it

then i came out with the only logical explanation possible
when conciousness cave in, it falls into subconciousness
where thoughts are not in words and understanding
but fragments, bits, essence, senseless senses

subconcious running mode (non-stop, operates even during sleeping and waking hours)

my subconcious is so strong
that it gives birth to creativity and absurbness
that it blocks things from coming in and blocks thoughts from flowing out

congested in fermentation of thoughts

now....

much better if not passed away....
praise God

Not only i bounce back faster
i seem to be able to conjure information faster
convey messages in a humanly understood realm

even when i prayed,....
those words of thanksgiving, petition and requests just pour out freely

i felt that a steady and never-ceasing clean stream of water has cleared out this clogged mind of mine

ANGIE, do not fall into darkness anymore! (promise)
what is not right in the eyes of God do not have to remain even 1 second in your mind.