sammi

i woke up after a tearful night
i surfed through the internet
and bumped across a youtube video
about sammi cheng
a canto pop-star who went missing
from the scene for 2 years

i saw the dramatic change in her, humility and genuinity
i really could see how her life
switched 180 degrees, used to be wild and eccentric
i am amazed of God's grace in her

when i saw her onstage in her concert
reading testimony
to the whole packed stadium full with fans
her trip with Gigi Lai for World Vision
her baptism
her interview
her choir with other Christian artists for 512 incident
my body was surged with emotions, tingled and
i think to myself:

(1) i did not use my networking to expand my influence to win people for God
(2) i did not use my identity as a Christian to reach out
(3) my testimony of God's love is not practical and realistic
(4) i did not do my best, my very best
as a whole, i just repented before God and say to myself, " Angie, be real " repeatedly,
with tears flowing freely for hours
i could not contain myself
i could not control myself

Sammi says she had insecurity and use her coolness to defend
there are so many times i react just to defend and sometimes offend

The real me would:
(1) cry easily
(2) evangelise freely
(3) use Bible verses to support my words

i no longer did the above.
i did not live a new life after the hurt, pain and betrayal issues.
i should not waste anytime longer to hide myself under the layer of pretendency

suddenly, i wake up after a deep slumber
i wake up with a new real me.

Thank you Ah Mi for the genuinity i see in you.
it gives me the courage to live by the way God has intended for me.