my visions

when my brothers and sisters
told me that
they have seen God and heard from God
my heart twitched


because i have never seen him or
even hear a whisper....



i wonder if i am not humble or pure hearted


or that i have sinned against him


then one day, my heart was crushed
and broken hearted
i felt distached from this world
then i saw Him.
Vision one

i was running in a path that crosses many paths
there were so many ways to choose
and i remembered a phrase

choose a path not many have taken
make a difference

it stayed with me
i always make a difference
i am different
i am unorthodox

where ever i run, the path was always
just me.......

then i was exhausted
i bent over my knees and panted
when i rised back up

i saw someone in white in front
i ran forward to see who this is
no one ever came to my path before
then i saw Jesus

How do i know that it was Him?
because he is as pure as snow,
as gentle as a dove

i asked my Lord

"Why are you here?"
The Holy One says," i am right here waiting for you"

no words could come to my mouth
and i just stood there crying my heart out
i do not know how long i have cried

it was not tears of sorrow i poured
but tears of gratitude and
....touched by his love beyond comprehension

I told my lord,
"i would never run from you
cos no matter how far i run
how long i run

i run to you
you are always there
i know that god is omnipresent

guess what

i ran away from my Lord 3 days later
my heart was even more broken than ever before

i ask myself

why did you run again
why??

when Holy Spirit begin to touch me
i drown myself and occupy myself
i am ashamed to face him

then i can take it no more,
i come before his cross and fell

God, please take me back

Vision 2:

i saw a mighty cross before me
Jesus was on the cross
the sky was clear
He was dressed in white, holy, pure and blameless
i had a scarf around my face

i waited in anticipation
for Jesus to be crucified
i was quiet and reserved
he was near and above me.

Huge drops of blood pour down like massive rain
this vision comes to me every night for a week

my senses turn from numb to exaltation of my Lord

no matter how much i cried
it is not comparable to the blood Jesus had shed for me

first in my life
i experienced that Jesus had died for me
for the world
.....for me

it was personal
he was my personal savior

it was unconditional love he wants me to know

ever since i could literally see a cross before me
when i raise my eyes to think

his love for me becomes
my force

keeps me going

he never leaves me nor forsakes me
never abandons me


no matter how many times i have failed and sinned
he has died for me, bought back my soul and pardon through his death

he resurrects and gain victory from death and the wage of sin

i have victory
i have a new life

because He has died on the cross
because He has risen from the grave
because He is alive in me

Thank you Jesus.

for the many second chances you have given me
i think i lost count