dilemma

i am afraid

to look into people

and to see ugly nature

to see what i am afraid to know

if i saw anything

i have to do something about it

am i only self-opinionated, negative thinker or problem digger?

i tried to look another way
pretend not to hear

reluctant to know the truth

unwilling to ask questions

am i selfish, timid and evasive?

so what?

what does it change?

what could i do?

i can only say bear with it

leaders say love unconditionally as you would for a family

but do they treat me as a family?

i am always the one who initiates

but i could not run away from my responsibility either...

i could not shut out this voices and images

otherwise, nothing gets changed

i felt that i am holding something vulnerable in my hands

if my hands lost grasp, it will drop and broken into pieces

if i hold too tightly, i might crumple it and broken into pieces

i must hold it open and my hands held together close

intertwined

Dear God,

tell me the purpose behind these

tell me what is my role and function

are you giving me the discernment spirit/

a lesson to be learnt/

a mirror to look into my not so pure nature/

a big heart to accept everyone as my family/

to know that you love every being even thought we are sinners....?

i know you are teaching me something...

God, soften my heart to walk your path...