covenant part 2: flushed away

monday 1st June 2009
it was another prayer meeting in the church
but this time it was different

it was like i was preparing mentally and emotionally for that moment
the moment of being touched by God



i was not the kind of person easily
tear out in the presence of people

normally, i cry alone, in the dark, behind the doors



but it was so different that night
i was like i was preparing and waiting for this opportunity to speak to God
AGAIN.....

i ask God to heal me and i will evangelise the rest of my life
everyday of my life
my life will be the field of salvation
i ask for the gifting of evangelism again
i think i lost the touch many, many years ago

i have a health condition that deteriorates
that it affects my social life
a social stigma
let me decode.....
my oesophagus backflows
i could spit out little pieces of food
that are half digested
yuck.....it is
has been so for some time
it was not that serious but the food just slurping out
my digestive system is crashing down

i am so afraid
i just cannot rid off it

then i prayed to God
when i came home that night
i drunk a whole bottle of water
if i could not vomit, i shall flush it out

before this......
i am thinking of self-induced vomitting
like digging into throat until i puke
but i dare not
i do not want to become anoreksic

i dare not drink too much water
thinking that if i do
my enzymes may not function in unsuitable pH condition

i overthink
maybe this is digestive / phsycological
or a spiritual warfare

i ran to God
and asked for a complete recovery

i am now in recovering stages
i just drank volumes of water
if it keep surging up
i will drink water to flush it out

i do not care if i could not digest or absorb the food
better still, I could be slimmer and healthier
water makes me full

the more i drink, the more i think that my actual problem is
my osmotic concentration is unbalanced
my body is crying out for "water"
my ignorance deteriorates my health
i am drinking too much coffee
adding acidity to my system
it messes up my hormones

i am not talking about a dietary program here
i am talking about a mentality shift

a parallel connection of:
water = holy spirit (cleanses me)
backflowed food = unconfessed sins (so it keep coming out)
coffee = deterrences (obstacles between me and God, a hiding place, use coffee to stay awake and stuff, addiction)

everything that goes through in our lives means something in the heavenly realm
important to care attentively to every decision we make and actions we do

my meal ends at 5pm everyday
it is a miracle that eating opportunities really end at 5pm
as i mentioned in my previous blog that i would fast
and guess what: fasting is good for my health (fasting is the answer to my better health!)

Through this process,
God answers my prayers and helps me through this:
(1) my health
(2) my fasting plan (my health is on thin line that no food nor coffee can tempt me)
(3) my courage to evangelise (i have committed to God and could not take back my words)
(4) come out of hiding place in every area of my life (diet, habits, thinking)

God really loves me that He works in a way or many ways in a way i could understand and find no resistance anymore

it is once and for all done
for many corrupted areas of my life

i want to give the highest praises to my Lord
You really care so much for me that You took all these troubles
to make me understand
The Holy Spirit intercedes for me despite my internal struggle and sinful mind
Jesus Christ has won this battle for me, Amen!

i was healed because i caught on the faith in God!
i came to an end and kneeled down to you!

i search for an eternity long and i was found in You!