Floodgate of thoughts

My eyes are drooping. My head is throbbing. Fingers hurriedly clicking on my computer. The server is slow these few days. It is driving me crazy, pinned me up my ceiling. Could not catch up on the dramas I have lined up to watch.

Sad….meantime, I know that there must be more purposeful things to do since God does not allow my line to flow…. So I read and played computer games.

Of course, my mind was on something else as I diligently solved my solitaire, freecell and mahjong titans. I always used these games to allow my mind to flow and conjure. My mind is like a queueing loading.

Whatever questions and inquiries which are presented to me will be processed. I can’t seem to filter it. Sometimes, I even despised when a situation or condition is said or seen, anything I could capture with my senses; sight, hearing or feeling, knowing that another item is in my “thinking list.”

AGAIN!! Stop it… I am actually thinking when I am not consciously thinking.

There is always streaming in my head….not physical entity, un-understandable. If I have to describe it…it would be like cloud, but more fluid in state. Formless but keep on flowing.

It is like I am thinking of others’ thoughts. Cannot seem to comprehend. But then as others speak and act, I seem to understand it beforehand or just thought of that seconds before… if I say I could feel what you feel and know what you will say, would you believe me…maybe it is coincidence.

But it has happened for several times now, more frequent recently. And it is not with just specific individuals. But several, especially if I am dwelling about the person and thinking hard… So I am so full of feelings, some are just not of mine.

And yet, I will not be brought down and negative brawled by these realistic emotions. It is as if I could comprehend how my Father in Heaven bears our burdens and incompetences.

Is this a spirit of compassionate?

Is this the work of Holy Spirit? You must know that my heart is at peace.
Of course, tears do come. But it is of relief and touched that God is so near.

That each moment, my heart is soothed by Jesus, himself.
I feel so fortunate that He is so near me.
So near that each heart beat reminds me of Him, that He is my heart.
I think God is helping me to draw the line between emotional and compassionate. There is self control, light and hope in the “Passion of Christ.”