i am "mo mo"

"mo mo" is a mandarin term
meaning
- silently
-enduring
- quietly

i am "mo mo"
it is a term i use to describe myself, i prefer "thinking to talking."
a term i use to remind myself to be "patient and control my tongue."
it is an integral part of me, my personality, i am introvert in a sense i need peace and silence to work my creativity and imagination
havoc and chaos madden me, block my mind, i find it disrupting...

interruption, interception, dominance, infiltration, indoctrination
i find these disturbing and menacing

mo mo chen sou (long-enduring)
mo mo cheng zhui (self-exam)
mo mo chi dai (hopeful)
mo mo tau zhui (lost in thoughts)
mo mo teng dai (patient)
mo mo reng nai (self-control)
mo mo .......

the realm of " mo mo" is not
solitude nor lonely
because this is where i meet God
and His Presence
where we have long talks
and refreshing to me

when i am " mo mo", i am with God
in that total silence
i hear His Whispers
i hear Him
i feel Him
i am in Him
i am the vine, He is the branch
i remain in Him and He remains in me

favor

Gift of favor
is the ability to have others likening and
deemed pleasing to people around them

a brother once taught me,
it is all right when others dislike you
instead pray f'or
"Gift of favor."

Puzzled,
in my mind, " Can meh?"
i did not know that we can pray that we gain the hearts and favors of others
as the bible states,
we gain the favor to bring people to Him
of course, we could pray and able to do so
because it is biblical

Gift of favors encompasses:
- smile often
- have healthy self-esteem
- correct living attitude
- is a practice as we communicate and mix around
- usually likes people, otherwise is imposibble to accept others and favors

other terms include:
- friendly
- pleasing
- pleasant
- amiable
- helpful

by dictating so:
it is impossible to not have gift of favor, do you agree?

as it is like other gift, it is to be practiced, passed on and used to the fullest
to serve God and His People
Amen

blessings

what are blessings?

- rewards?
- promises?
- prosperity?
- gain?
- position?

i longed for these too....
however, God witholds these from me
the God who gives abundantly is holding back

But yet, He who holds my future and my life
takes the longest time
preparing the most enduring gift,
Character

He gives me the hardships, challenges and doors to
run back to him
when
i faced the temptation
to react harshly to circumstances and people

i learn not to be influenced and crushed by conditions
which will be shifting and everchanging

yet,
He teaches me to be patient, long-enduring
understanding
putting my trust in the One that is everlasting and ever-knowing
understands that life is not going to be easy
but will be worthy of living and suffering
as we suffer, we suffer with Him who dies on the cross for us
it is the most blessed blessing of all
to be with Him who overcomes Hades and Shades of Sorrow and Darkness

Pain is gain
No pain, no gain
To live is Christ, to die is gain
Glory be to the Lord who was in pain , now in gain,
gaining back our souls and redeemed us.
Amen.

eagerness

eager to lead or /and

eager to serve

is it the same thing

or different thing

we serve to receive praise from God

or from men?

the main point is are what we are doing is considered as serving?

servant:

(1) serves from his heart

(2) the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing

(3) run the second mile

(4) do in spite of being told

(5) humble in action and gentle in speech

Do we continue to serve when...?

(1) not in the presence of others

(2) when we are the lowest, down in the dumps

(3) evoked and provoked

Hope

i am in Hope for a reason

we sleep "hope"

eat "hope"

breathe "hope"

and give "hope."

Hope is what we are and what we embody

we radiates "Hope" to the people around us

Floodgate of thoughts

My eyes are drooping. My head is throbbing. Fingers hurriedly clicking on my computer. The server is slow these few days. It is driving me crazy, pinned me up my ceiling. Could not catch up on the dramas I have lined up to watch.

Sad….meantime, I know that there must be more purposeful things to do since God does not allow my line to flow…. So I read and played computer games.

Of course, my mind was on something else as I diligently solved my solitaire, freecell and mahjong titans. I always used these games to allow my mind to flow and conjure. My mind is like a queueing loading.

Whatever questions and inquiries which are presented to me will be processed. I can’t seem to filter it. Sometimes, I even despised when a situation or condition is said or seen, anything I could capture with my senses; sight, hearing or feeling, knowing that another item is in my “thinking list.”

AGAIN!! Stop it… I am actually thinking when I am not consciously thinking.

There is always streaming in my head….not physical entity, un-understandable. If I have to describe it…it would be like cloud, but more fluid in state. Formless but keep on flowing.

It is like I am thinking of others’ thoughts. Cannot seem to comprehend. But then as others speak and act, I seem to understand it beforehand or just thought of that seconds before… if I say I could feel what you feel and know what you will say, would you believe me…maybe it is coincidence.

But it has happened for several times now, more frequent recently. And it is not with just specific individuals. But several, especially if I am dwelling about the person and thinking hard… So I am so full of feelings, some are just not of mine.

And yet, I will not be brought down and negative brawled by these realistic emotions. It is as if I could comprehend how my Father in Heaven bears our burdens and incompetences.

Is this a spirit of compassionate?

Is this the work of Holy Spirit? You must know that my heart is at peace.
Of course, tears do come. But it is of relief and touched that God is so near.

That each moment, my heart is soothed by Jesus, himself.
I feel so fortunate that He is so near me.
So near that each heart beat reminds me of Him, that He is my heart.
I think God is helping me to draw the line between emotional and compassionate. There is self control, light and hope in the “Passion of Christ.”

Fear in me

This is an important concern to me.

Every gifting comes with a weakness and a possibility of a trap in it. (of course laid by the devious one)

When the word of God tings to me, “that every challenge that comes our way, He gives us the strength to overcome it”, I just could not shut out these flowing tears.

We are sinners, so succumb of sins and pride. Used by God for His Kingdom, but we are so simply ignorant to the Satan’s entwined, twirling, back and forth deceptions and lies and fleshy desires. Vessel of God and un-God at the same time.

I am a sinner but His Grace could turn this prisoner of sin to a now professing “I am a saved soul.”

This is a reminder to me to keep very close and accountable to God. I admit that I am weak. I need God to work with me and work through me, so that I could be an ambassador of God.

Without You, what am i? Nothing.
The pure existence and thought of You, made every insignificant favors into significance, because it pleases You, it blesses Your Kingdom.

Knowing that I am a part of your Kingdom, knowing that I reign with me, gives me value and purpose.

I am so glad to know You. The slight tinge that I may lose sight of you saddens me.

Is this fear, fear of the Lord? But I know that you will never leave me nor forsake me gives me hope.

That is the faith that keeps me going despite these understatements.

When my fears are cast onto You, nothing is fearsome.

There is only a fear, fear in You, my dear Lord!

Be still

Be still..
This is how my heart yearns, longed and just…is.

No external words, reactions and actions could compel my heart to darken and grieve. It is meaningless compared to Your Love.

Because Your Love dwells and overfloods my heart. That no bitterness and hatred could stay in. they are flushed out by Your Precious Blood.

As the days grow by, the more of Your Grace flows into me.

Your greatest blessing is not prosperity, achievement nor humane values. If we put my faith in these shifting values, we are nothing more than a wave hitting onto the shore.

It is more than that. It is You. You here with me, now and forever. What could be more precious than that?
I want to remain in You, in Your words.
Please lead me not into temptation and astray. All I need is in You.

The sandy eye

“The speck of sand in others’ eye is so much bigger compared to the plank / log in our eyes.” Such a sarcasm.

A lesson to be forever remembered. A keen reminder that got stuck with me over some circumstances. 3 times I heard that day, twice from myself and once from other.

We are prone to point fingers and find fault.

And I am keen to point out the people that point fingers.

And at the same time, who am I to point out. The sand in others becomes the plank in mine. This is a vicious cycle. it may turn around to me, you see.

It is all in the methodology and solution. A careless step and a mindless tackle with turn the table around. At the end, I may be the devil’s tool even if at the first place, I have the good intention in mind.
That is why God teaches us about forgiveness, the sand-plank story, left cheek parable and unity.

(1) Use gentle approach and reproach. It works all the time. It is how Jesus will do it.
(2) Self-righteousness is deceiving to oneself. Stop deceiving yourself! (I am saying to myself)
(3) Use principles of God at work in everything. Good intention does not make it a godly intention!
(4) When not to say it is as important as when to say it, if not the less.
Some seek to be solved, some are better to let go and let it pass, some are to be endured and overcame!

His hand moved the clouds

When I was walking with my brother one sunny day, a biblical story comes to life. Remember when the Israelites led by Moses in the desert. That pillar of fire with them at night and the pillar of clouds by the day. We are the Israelites that day as the clouds covered the bright surly sun that day as we walked. It is the promise of God to be with us. Giving us the authority of heavens and earth. An assurance that He hears and provides! What a wonderful promise! The clouds swiftly moved to cover the burning light. Just as a lover would bring up an umbrella to shelter his loved one. His hand moved the cloud. I was my God’s lover that day. So sweet. Of course, I am His Lover as He is mine, now and ever.

the blue sky....

she raised her hands to the sky
and said, " the blue sky."
first time when she was ten
the second time, she was 25

a little girl abducted at the age of 10
for 15 years in the basement of a farmhouse
captivated in darkness and inhygienic condition
received the abuses of any thinkable and unthinkable actions

waiting for help and rescue...
gradually losing hope and gave up....

one day, after 15 years
she escaped
and murdered 3 other people
who in her mind have neglected
and caused this impediment onto her

who could have blamed her?
anyone could go insane in such circumstances
a person so secluded could be delusioned
and drived insane

i could not blame her...

anyway, this is an episode of the drama i watched: "Mr. Brain."

i cried my heart out in the end when the lady said, "i surrender. Anyway, i am already used to be a captive and prisoner."

i reflected on myself;
- i need to see hope
- i will always forgive

forgive the transgressions of your transgressors so that the Father in the Heaven will forgive all my sins

i am glad that God enters my life

Forgiveness is the highest value one could have
and it is found freely in God

to us: sin
to God: forgiveness

i am grateful that i am a reborn Christian
no longer live in the basement of darkness

senses..........

can you hear the unspoken words?
to hear the heart speaks
actions and speech responses reveal the thinking
facial expressions and body gestures can tell what the person is stating and hiding

we collect our information through
- auditory (lsitening)
- visual (we see)
- touch (physically)
- kinesthetic (we feel and sense / intuition)
people communicate likewise too

if we desire to understand
we need to utilise all our senses and
tap into all the senses of others too

walk into the mind and heart of others
weaves our hearts together
to unite and build each other in love and selflessly

it is the observing attitude to be able to contain others into our life
to take away our selfishness and self-centeredness

able to include others into our circle
is the attitude of a godly visionary and missionary

feedback....

how do we evaluate?
- by having meeting and discuss on the loopholes and how we could improve in the future...
- you should...this...that...and should not...

that was how i thought of evaluation in the past...
turning evaluation into a battlefield
the word " evaluation" instils fear and
silence during meeting
i come to conclude that evaluation do not drive but drown team members

so what is the more practical way?

it is called "prevention approach"
along the way, when we find our members having difficulty, short of ideas / time, need assistance
we should step in and offer ourselves freely

in the past, tasks were delegated
and everyone was obsessed to complete their part of work in perfection
it is mine or yours...

certainly it is a mentality to be abolished....

if we have love in our heart and
a true desire to stay united

we would carry each others' burden
we would step in and step up for the sake of others
and in the big picture of completion

by the end,
there was no need of "evaluation"
because we have done what we could do
and tried our best

in the process of helping out and filling the gap,
we have evaluated and giving feedback along the way
in a genuine and sincere way

Do not complain but offer practical help instead!

be hopeful...........

responses, replies and answers
are our reactions towards circumstances surrounding and within us
under certain conditions

i realized that one's thinking is individualistic
and does not necessary means that others think alike or
have the same mentality and understanding too

your opinion is yours
my thoughts are mine

there are too many times
we have made a silly mistake
it is called preconceived notion
we equalize a word or a facial expression to mean something that we have gave a certain meaning to it
as: non-smiling as non-friendly / quiet as not sociable
many times it is not likely such

because human are very tangible and flexibile creatures
there are many sides to a person and
different personality will arise
and definitely, a person changes and develops with time

our responses, replies and answers
should be in positive light
contain hope and belief for the person we interact with
be loving and understanding

cut the slack
and always think the good for others

many times, they mean good
but our reply backfires
and affect in "negative force."

it is not what we comprehend or what others intent to say
but it is in our responses

we could turn any situation around for good
if we are in a "hopeful" thinking mode

courtesy....

i am learning to appreciate the courtesy of the japanese
from the dramas i have watched recent days

they respect the elders, same ranking collegues and their juniors
always bow down and give their respect
it is a value, we , Chinese should learn and remember

no matter what the elders and simply anyone, provokes us
with speech or actions
any sensible Japanese would not speak back harshly
but always act in moderate and respectable ways
the emotional intelligence is what i see as the highest in the whole world

i am so impressed

in a way,
i was stunned when some of the roles are degraded and abused verbally
yet, they answer their abuser in a calm tone and with a smiling expression
that is what i want to learn
able to conquer emotions and come above every negative notations

that is the application of Christian speech

underdog....

underdog...
means the first or second-runner up
not the champion or the sure-winner in contests and competitive

how do we thrive when we are labelled as underdogs?

in every tasks and career path
there are a certain specifications and criterias
that make someone more appealing and forthrunner

to state some:
- highly educated
- good in speech / interaction
- meet up to the expectations of the superiors
- aggresive and opinion giver
- good management skill
- leadership quality

(and many many more)

so, is it necessary to fulfil these requirements to join in the ranks of champions?
stand tall as the elites....?

underdog...may not be seen as the brightest star
but this word has a certain sting and unpredictability about it
that the underdog may over rule and run the race at first place in the end

so why would people be underdog?
why do we even label some to be underdogs?
why do we divide people into groups of leader ranking and underdog ranking?

is that being an underdog..is a technique not to draw attention to themselves?
to be able to do things in a free mode (not succumbing to others' standard?
to be able to do things their way despite the norm and regularity?

just to tell people that "i am who i am..."

Healing hands and killing hands

Healing hands and the killing hands

imagine: if a touch could heal...a touch could kill too

a hand that heals (come from God?)
a hand that kills (come from devil?)

a person that has the Hand of God (is godly?)
a person that has the Hand of Death (is devilish?)

What determines who and what a person is?
His actions or what he is capable of?
or his character and heart?
it is the action or the intention that makes the person?

is there a kind killer / life-taker?
is there a bad healer / life-giver?

does the gifting of healing definitely makes someone as a God follower?
and the gift of life-taker makes a person a devil follower?

crazy for you.....

i am a japan drama fanatic...

especially the detective stories

intriguing and captivating

scientific and mind- triggering at the same time

it makes me wonder about the dark period of recent times

evildoers are no longer the drug-obsessed and compulsive, gullible ones

but the educated and intellectual ones

people who knows about the crime pathological

i guess dramas like CSI and police stories educate these intellegent crime doers

crime fighters and the criminals are on the same level

just as equipped with the same knowledge and judgement sense

knowledge will open the mind

but only wisdom will set the mind straight

we are all sinners....(rings true!)

Testimony

Hi. My name is Angie. I am a tuition teacher. my housemate is Tang Siew Ling. Our house is an informal ministry house. If anyone wants to come over and stay, you are always welcomed. (Just to promote!) Again, i am here to testify about the good works of God in my life. This is a golden opportunity that comes every quarter. And i treasure the day it comes as a chance to conclude my walk with God every quarter.

How is my personal life with God? Well, i had the morning until early evening to spend my quite time and devotion with God. i need a long time to reflect and think to function normally in the public. And i would say my God is a personal God to me and He always talk to me in many ways. Through my blog, i could really pour out to Him and learn how to be grateful. When i write, i think and i really do improve a lot in my verbal communication and information articulation.

My life was a roller-coaster ride. up and down. plain sailing and sometimes scary. my emotional uprising is like tsunami, destructive to myself and people around me. And i tried to improve and surrender to God. I observed myself this quarter and see myself stabilised and under control a lot. Example: depression, argumentative, complaining, negative talking, frustration and disappointment, really resides a lot. Sometimes, i can feel that certain scenarios may evoke my anger, repulsion, injustice feeling and blaming someone. Spirit of God soothes and calms me. And i learn to be a calmer and happier person. Do not complain but encourage. Do not play the blaming game but always think of unity and Body of Christ. if you observe, i smile much more than last quarter. What is in the outside will show on the outside.

I am only a human. i do feel that i am lacking and no one understands me (quite a lot). I am lonely, and i learn to be there for people that need me. i crave for love and i learn to care and comfort others. when i feel that i am poor, i give to others. i am a friend to my friend because i needed a friend in the first place. The word of God, ' give and you shall receive' is an integral part of my philospohy of life. Giving in spite of nothingness tells me that i was never lacking but provided by my Lord in Heaven. He gives me so much that i am able to give. He is My Provider and He gives freely to everyone that calls on Him. My God is a faithful God.

my life is a rough journey. i used to envy and despise the lives of the lucky and fortunate ones. Feeling that God was unfair to me and life was after all unfair. Gradually i understood that my Father has a great plan for me. The life that God bestows to me carve me to be compassionate for others, understand the many levels and turbulence of emotions, be observant, grow in patience and learn to serve others. i am still a long way from perfection, but i know i am on the right path because along this way, God walks with me.

And to every brother and sister here, i will always be a supportive figure to all. i may not be able to do much. i am nothing so that i could be everything to everyone. it is a blessing to be able to serve God and you (all). Let us encourage each other and grow together in the love of God. Let us not only love in speech, but in life and actions.


Love, Angie.